Xorton's Rant

Now on my second month of parental leave with my daughter, many people ask me how it is going. My usual response is: "My pockets hurt." a reference to an episode of the Simpsons, where Homer (who is suffering from the onset of a nervous breakdown) responds to the question on how he is feeling from Marge. You see, Iona is trying to kill me... or at least permanently cripple me through deliberate torture. She's playing it out nice and slow and reveling in every moment of it. How does a six month old kill you? She ensures that I only have an average of 2 hours a sleep a day to her 14. On a couple of occasions, my girlfriend has returned home to find me semi-conscious, sprawled upon the floor as Iona gleefully plays on top of me (by play, I mean kicking and punching me).  She mercilessly beats and abuses me at every opportunity and has strategically discovered all my weak spots by punching, kicking and clawing every inch of my body... the spots that solicit the lou...