Xorton's Rant

Given that we've had our first snowfall locally, despite that it's not December yet, I feel it's an appropriate time to start posting some of my winter themed cartoons. Most of them feature an unfortunate snowman who blunders into one tragedy after another. Life's funniest characters are tragic ones.

I find it fascinating that someone will spend five minutes in the loo making sure that their hair is perfect... yet for the same individual, 30 seconds spent washing their hands (after using the "facilities" by the way) is apparently a complete waste of time. This world is coming to a fine state when people value image over trace amounts of fecal matter on their hands... and incidentally, now their hair.

When Marc and I were drawing cartoons, we received enough rejections from publishers to wallpaper our apartment several times over. As a result, I drew this cartoon: Consequently, I think we've both become rather open to criticism and rejection and saw it as an opportunity to try to improve ourselves. I think we've also saw it as an open invitation to poke fun at the establishment. Decca turned down The Beatles after an audition in 1962 stating: "Guitar bands are on the way out". While I'm certainly not comparing ourselves with The Beatles, it certainly does show that the people who decide what is "hot" and what is "not", often can't tell the difference between their asses and a hole in the ground.

One of my pet peeves, particularly in a work or office setting is having my lunch delayed or interrupted by an unimportant matter that could easily be postponed for an while. I eat a very light breakfast, so I'm usually pretty darned ravenous by noon. For those of you who know me, know that I'm pretty serious about my food... and interrupting my lunch usually results in me becoming, shall we say, a little cantankerous. The list of things I consider unimportant, particularly in the context of interrupting lunch could fill its own dedicated blog. Here is what I consider important enough to interrupt or delay my lunch: An impending disaster, such as a fire, a nuclear strike, an alien invasion, Godzilla-like monster attack, or another similar such example.  I'm in the middle of moving something extremely heavy or working on something exceedingly dangerous that by interrupting said task, could result in a disaster such as those above.  Actually tha...

I've recently noted that what I would refer to as "instincts" potentially differ quite significantly from person to person. For example, self-preservation. Over  the years, I have actually witnessed the following cases where I have observed this missing instinct. Case #1: A large, heavy and particularly unstable filing cabinet need to be moved five feet. What I would do:  Without giving it much thought, I would remove the files and enlist the assistance in others in moving it. What I would not do:  I would not rock it back and forth by myself, frequently kicking it, swearing at it and punching it in a vain attempt to shift it a few inches. This would likely result in having it topple onto my head. This would be counterproductive and incidentally prove quite painful. Case #2: A bulb needs to be changed in a fluorescent lighting fixture. What I would do:  I would get a ladder and replace the bulb. What I would not do:...

I realize that while the following cartoon is atrociously corny, it however remains one of my favourites from the early days of collaborative cartooning with my friend Marc.

It's bad enough Christmas ads are now in full affect. Do people really need to start playing and whistling Christmas music? Come the New Order (and this will be documented fully in the manifesto) the following directives will be observed on penalty of severe punishment (without trial) including, but not limited to death: No Christmas music, Christmas "styled" music or music of a Christmas-like nature or spirit may be played, whistled, transmitted via radio or internet or otherwise made audible from Dec. 26 (of the current year) to Dec. 15 (of the following year).  Playing, creating, transmitting or otherwise making audible said music during the banned period will result in the following increasingly severe punishments as dolled out by the Anti-Christmas Police (a subsidiary of the Ministry of Attitude Correction):  First Offence: Transgressors lips will be stapled shut and hands will be sewn over their ears for a period of 16 days. 16 days in the pillory will fol...

My mum has had some really strange ideas over the years. Sometimes I think that women get to a certain age where they completely (and conveniently) forget any memories and experiences of being an adolescent. I recall being in Grade 7 (it was around this time of year) and the weather had turned quite bitterly cold. I'd outgrown my old winter clothes over the year and so it was time to get some new ones. My attentive mother went out shopping and came back with a bulky, blue, full body snow suit with powder/baby blue frills and collar. I imagine it's something Scott of the Antarctic would have worn...if he had suddenly and inexplicably turned incredibly gay. Anyway, it was quite awful. Now as everyone knows, Grade 7 (at least back in my day) was when people started becoming fashion conscious. Going to school in a snow suit, particularly one such as I've described was essentially a death sentence. Naturally I made quite a stink about not wearing it. She of course we...

And the world lets off a collective sigh of relief. Civilization will now continue for another four years. Don't take me the wrong way... I'm not a huge fan of Obama either. Perhaps I have no right to comment on the US political system (not being an American), but from an outside perspective, he doesn't seem to really do all that much other than attending far too many baseball games and hosting Paul McCartney concerts at the White House. Still, an American president that does nothing is better than an American president that does something. "Something" invariably leads to the invasion of a small country most Americans have never heard of until that moment. Under "Mittens" I think we could have expected the world to end by sometime in the middle of January as he simultaneously declared war on 20 countries and accidentally invaded another 15. American elections always remind me of the Simpsons "Treehouse of Horror VII" (hence the title ...

I saw my first Christmas advertisement for the season over the weekend. As I've stated before, personally I believe it's offensive to begin advertising for Christmas in November, particularly before Remembrance Day. If I came to power (I know of a few people that are praying that never comes to pass), all Christmas advertising of any kind would be banned until December 5th... on pain of death. I've heard people maintain that the death penalty doesn't work as a deterrent... maybe not on psychopaths (in which case it's merely an efficient way of disposing of a problem), but on greedy money grubbing corporate bastards, it might just be effective. They like their little creature comforts... so I imagine a hanging, drawing and quartering might come as a rude awakening for them. Anyhow, I'm getting off topic again. While I may not always agree with the political choices that direct our respective Commonwealth armed forces, I've always had the greatest re...