Xorton's Rant

Over the years I've observed a number of people who appear to have no perceptible skills whatsoever, but yet have managed to remain employed and earn a salary. I've analysed my observations and have identified their tactics: To start, pick a career that does not require a lot of physical activity. Sitting at a desk (preferably with a computer) is key. Additionally having a direct supervisor or boss who is completely incompetent or easily intimidated (preferably both) is also key. Appearances are everything in executing a successful campaign of non-workiness: Come into work early every day. Everyone will assume you come in early to get a jump start on all that work you have to do. Leave work late. Again, every one will assume you're staying to complete all that extra work.  Nothing says you do not have enough work like a clean desk. Keep your desk cluttered at all times. Change and move the clutter about from time to time. Other people's recycle bins are a tr...

People call me a curmudgeon. That's okay. I've come to accept that and I now wear this moniker with distinction. Do people think you're a bit of a grump? Well, here's some tips on how to make the most of it: Learn to find fault with everything on the planet. If you've found something you can't find fault with, you're not looking hard enough.  Practice a good sneer. With a good sneer, you can be a unbearable burden at all social occasions.  Practice ranting on a wide variety of subject matter. Make sure you harp on these subjects regularly. It also helps if the subject matter is also something that other people generally find enjoyable (such as special occasions). Nothing ruins a good occasion like a rant on the same subject.  Learn to identify people's weaknesses and faults... and make sure you point them out as often as possible.  No matter how well someone does something, there's always room for improvement (see point 1). Make sure you poin...