Xorton's Rant

I've often been tempted to abuse the company PA system. Here are some of the things I'd like to do (you'll notice a number of hidden and not so hidden references): 1) Announce: "Imperial troops have entered the base! Imperial troops have... (static)". 2) Announce: "Dr. Nick Riviera, Dr. Nick Riviera. Please report to the mortician's office." 3) Play the original Star Trek's comm whistle. 4) Place the phone near an open mic for a prolonged period of time. Feedback is fun. 5) Play various pre-recorded screams and slashing sounds over the system and then silence...          followed by: "I am the Angel of Death. The time of purification is at hand." 6) Take note of a number of license plates in the parking lot. Make the following announcement:   "The vehicles with the following license plates have been identified as being illegally parked. You have 30 seconds to move your vehicle or they will be towed and crushed at yo...

I think the Catholic Church is in desperate need of new leadership. Leadership that isn't afraid of doing what needs to be done. Leadership that promotes change through the wide range of weaponry at it's disposal. Leadership which will not falter from using the full force of it's weaponry on all occasions and situations. Weaponry which includes such diverse elements as: fear, surprise and a ruthless efficiency. Leadership that inspires a fanatical devotion to the Pope. Leadership that can take the Catholic Church out of the 19th century and stick it back in the 16th where it belongs! I nominate Cardinal Ximenez as the best choice for Pope! Recent file photo featuring (from left to right) Cardinal Biggles, Cardinal Ximenez and Cardinal Fang in pretty red costumes.  Bring forth the soft cushions and the comfy chair!

I recommend setting the washer to "delicate".  Incidentally, it's also a great way to wash small children. I kid of course. The cat did have a narrow escape. I was just about to close the hatch when I saw two glowing orbs in the darkness blinking back at me.

Released : April 26, 1999 Publisher : Nintendo Developer : HAL Laboratory Platform : N64 Type : Fighting Graphics : Narly Game Play : Narly Originality : Narly How many hours I’ve wasted : Narly The Nostalgia Factor : Narly Super Smash Bros. was (and still is) an excellent fighting arcade style game for the Nintendo N64 system. It was one of the few games available on the console (at least that I was interested in) that supported four players in multiplayer mode. The game featured many characters from Nintendo's various franchises and pitted them against each other in several fighting arenas. Each character had it's own unique fighting style and special abilities. I myself mastered Kirby and Samus Aran and was almost virtually unbeatable with them... until my friend mastered Pikachu and put an end to my reign of terror. My friends and I would play Super Smash Bros . (and Goldeneye 007 , a game I will feature later) until the wee hours of the morni...

Released : December 1989 Publisher : Electronic Arts Developer : John W. Ratcliffe Platform : MS-DOS, Sega, Commodore Amiga Type : Submarine Simulator Graphics : Narly Game Play : Narly Originality : Narly How many hours I’ve wasted : Narly The Nostalgia Factor : Narly Oh, how I miss the cold war. 688 Attack Sub was an excellent and realistic sub simulator from the late 1980's. The Hunt for Red October was released to theatres around the same time (a great movie if you like films about submarines; 134 minutes of painful torture if you don't), so this game was about the next best thing to being in the movie. Command Centre on the Los Angeles Command Centre on a Russian Alfa You could play as an American  Los Angeles   class nuclear attack sub, or a Soviet  Alfa  class in ten exciting missions (exciting if you're into submarine warfare that is; if you don't like submarines, then this game would be as stated earlier, exceedingly pain...

The latest increase in the price of petrol sparked a memory of a conversation I had with an older gentleman many years ago. Let's call him "Virgil". As people go, he was lovely old soul, but more than a little naive and more than a little sheltered. He'd only been out of Perth county once... when a time share company sent him a mailer stating that he'd been one of a lucky few selected to receive a chance to win a trip to Hawaii (if he came in to hear a presentation in Toronto.) He was convinced he'd won the trip and nothing would convince him otherwise. Of course there was also the time he bought a $5000.00 air filtration system for his rented farmhouse over the phone. His life "savings" consisted of a large old trunk filled with loose change*. He also used to buy Kraft Dinner (but only when it was on sale) and then throw out the cheese packets (he didn't like the cheese). But those are all stories for another day. Anyway, one day I...