Xorton's Rant

Just when I think we've found all the ancient computer related rubbish at my company, we dig up another relic. Today we discovered stashed in the back of a little used storage area, a vintage Toshiba T-1000: The T-1000 was an early "laptop" released in 1987, and surprisingly it's lighter than my Dell Studio (although no where near as stylish or capable!) For those of you who like a good laugh, here are the tech specs: Processor: 4.77 MHz80C88 RAM: A whopping 512KB ROM: 256KB (with MS DOS 2.11) Media: 3.5" Floppy Drive Video: CGA LCD For the time, I suppose it was quite impressive to have a "laptop" that didn't crush your legs, even if it didn't meet the minimum requirements to play Space Quest 1 .

Eerily Similar, yes? Some of my readers have inquired about the nature of my profile picture. This was in fact taken while I was reproducing the call of a taun-taun from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back . I'm told my imitation is rather authentic. I can also do some pretty convincing R2-D2 whistles and a Tusken Raider yell, but my facial expressions aren't half as amusing. Speaking of Star Wars , it was announced yesterday that JJ Abrams will be directing the next Star Wars installment. I have to say I am not surprised by the choice (I think it's very wise of Disney to select him on the basis of the great re-boot he did with Star Trek ), and while excited by the potential prospects, I'll still be approaching this enterprise with some trepidation. Most people I've discussed this with believe the results will be spectacular. I agree. I think whatever JJ Abrams does to the Star Wars franchise will result in a great film... but will it be  Star Wars ? ...

Released : October 2005 Publisher : Microsoft Platform : PC and Mac Type : RTS Graphics : Narly Game Play : Meh Originality : Meh How many hours I’ve wasted : Narly The Nostalgia Factor : Meh Age of Empires III was a decent real-time-strategy game (if typical) for the mid-2000's. Expansion packs released the following year (The War Chiefs) and then in 2007 (The Asian Dynasties) along with a well developed online multiplayer option has kept interest in this game going long after it's original release.  As a huge history buff, I had been anxiously awaiting the arival of an RTS that focused on the colonial and pre-industrial period. The optional ability to play as the British and routinely massacre the French army was icing on the cake (and as in reality, it's not a particulary challenging pastime, but it is damnably fun.) The graphics were nothing short of outstanding for the time, and generally speaking have aged well. The original music was exce...

I'm often completely baffled how people who have used computers every day for the past ten years have absolutely no idea how to do some basic tasks, are unaware of basic tools and operations, or better yet, expect computers to contravene the laws of physics and be impervious to damage. Some of my recent favourite anecdotes: 1. "What's a 'screen shot'?" followed by, "Can I edit my data in the 'screen shot' like Excel?" 2. "Control, Alt, what?" 3. "Where's the 'Start' button?" 4. Someone who "reboots" their computer by turning the monitor on and off. 5. User : "Why do I have to plug all these chords into the computer? I thought we had wireless".     Me : "You still need a power chord."     User : "'Wireless' doesn't include wireless power?" 6.  "I rebooted my computer like one hundred times, but it still keeps saying 'no bootable devic...

Thanks Chuck Released : 1987 Publisher : Electronic Arts Platform : Apple II, DOS, Commodore 64, Tandy 1000, various others Type : Flight Simulator Graphics : Meh Game Play : Narly Originality : Narly How many hours I’ve wasted : Blank Eyed Soulless Stare The Nostalgia Factor : Narly Chuck Yeager ’s* Advanced Flight Trainer was one of the better pioneering flight simulator games of the late 80’s. Taking into account the limited computing capabilities of the 1980’s, AFT in my opinion still stands out as being nothing short of phenomenal. AFT included a number of aircraft to choose from, all with different flying characterstics even among aircraft from the same generation: SR-71 from tower view... looks like an F-16 to me. Sopwith Camel Cessna 172 Piper Cherokee F-16 Fighting Falcon F-18 Hornet P-51 Mustang Spad Supermarine Spitfire Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird Bell X-1 Douglas X-3 Stiletto Being an aircraft buff, particularly in regards to...

My girlfriend and I have a game we like to play called "Memory Crisis". It's based originally on my inability to remember the names of celebrities, movies, music or other pop culture references, although it also just comes up as a matter of course. I'm also particularly poor at describing people, and my references to other things they may appeared in or worked on are generally rather obscure. I'll often recognize an actor from a small cameo on one of the Star Trek series (in many cases, it's the only instance I've seen them), but be completely unaware that they've attained celebrity A list status through something else. It's a great guessing you can play around the camp fire or on long car rides... but where as I come by it naturally, others will have to try to be as vague as possible (it helps if you bang your head on a hard surface until your speach slurs and you can't remember where you live... if you black out, you gone too far). Norm...

Released : 1987 Publisher : Accolade Platform : Apple II, DOS, Atari ST, Commodore 64 and Amiga Type : Driving Simulator Graphics : Narly Game Play : Narly Originality : Narly How many hours I’ve wasted : Blank Eyed Soulless Stare The Nostalgia Factor : Narly Almost everything I know about cars is almost entirely from Test Drive. I've never really been the sort of guy that had any interest in sports or automobiles and naturally that disinterest extends to video games.* Test Drive however has proven for me to be an enduring exception to the rule. When Test Drive came out, it was fresh, innovative and the graphics were damned impressive (it also had a pretty cool main intro theme ). The main aim of the game was to complete each level in as short a time as possible before the allotted time ran out while avoiding being pulled over by traffic cops, colliding with other vehicles, or driving off or into terrain.   You could choose from a selection...

It's International Make an IT Person Happy Day. Yes, I've just made that up, but I really do think we need to make it official. There should be at least one day a year that "users" go out of their way to try to make our lives pleasant. On the average day, I'd say at least three users make my life extremely unpleasant. Take for example the following frustrating conversation I had this morning. I have this same conversation at least 3 times a month, usually with the same people: User : Uh, I'm missing a file. "Someone" may have deleted it. Can you find it for me or retrieve it from backup? "Someone" is usually the person that is calling me. Me : What's the name of the file? User : It's something like "Xr32b-1212_tk421". Me : I need to know the exact file name to execute a proper search. User : Well, it's something like that. Me : (Pretending to enter the name into the computer by clacking vigorously o...

This past year I've dedicated a lot of time to complaining about the kind of idiots who are generally too stupid to find their way out of a paper bag with a map and a pair of scissors. This year, I think we all owe it to them to help these idiots help themselves. Let's replace the paper bag with a plastic bag... and not one of the sissy plastic bags we have these days; I'm talking about the industrial strength kind we had in the 80's. And lets tie the ends closed. And dump it in a lake. Even if they don't figure out how to remove their fingers from their noses and start addressing the main problem at hand (there's no incentive like last minute panic), they should at least generate some amusement. I'm speaking figuratively of course. What I'm saying is we should do our utmost to allow these troglodytes to hang themselves with their own stupidity. I think we often interfere to our own detriment and it would be in our best interests to apply a no...