"We will bring you Jesus"
That's what was written on a sign outside a church I drove by last night. I just find it rather amusing. How does one go about bringing me a guy that's been dead for the better part of two thousand years? Is repeating the same tired stories really the same thing? I mean, you wouldn't get away with announcing "I will bring you The Beatles" and then playing a bunch of records. You'd probably get sued.
And on a related note: how is it that if I talk to my cats, I'm "nuts"*, but if I "pray" to dead guy and his invisible bearded father or a four armed blue elephant, I'm "sane". I find it amazing that millions of Christians actually believe that this same dead guy will come back to life and rapture the true believers up to heaven... although I would point out, if this is actually the case, Jesus is probably locked up in an institution somewhere. While "praying" to non-existent deities is perfectly acceptable, thankfully claiming you are a deity will get you locked up.
Jesus (In a super whiny voice): But I AM the Messiah! Dad!!!! They won't let me out of this padded cell!
Cocks his head to listen to a voice no one else can hear.
Jesus: That's what I told them!
Guard: Shut up and eat your peas or we'll take away your tv privileges.
Some Christians might argue that Jesus would never be caught and trapped in such a manner and could easily break free at anytime (he is the son of God after all), but I would point out that Jesus is not Superman. I mean, we nailed him to a plank of wood last time he was here and he didn't seem to be able to get out of that jam.
On a final note, our stager last night said that 80 percent of people can't visualize what a vacant house would look like with their furniture. This is course the polite way of saying "80 percent of people are complete unimaginative idiots". I'd also say it's closer to 99 percent.
*As I've often said, I talk to my cats because it guarantees me at least one intelligent conversation per day.
That's what was written on a sign outside a church I drove by last night. I just find it rather amusing. How does one go about bringing me a guy that's been dead for the better part of two thousand years? Is repeating the same tired stories really the same thing? I mean, you wouldn't get away with announcing "I will bring you The Beatles" and then playing a bunch of records. You'd probably get sued.
And on a related note: how is it that if I talk to my cats, I'm "nuts"*, but if I "pray" to dead guy and his invisible bearded father or a four armed blue elephant, I'm "sane". I find it amazing that millions of Christians actually believe that this same dead guy will come back to life and rapture the true believers up to heaven... although I would point out, if this is actually the case, Jesus is probably locked up in an institution somewhere. While "praying" to non-existent deities is perfectly acceptable, thankfully claiming you are a deity will get you locked up.
Jesus (In a super whiny voice): But I AM the Messiah! Dad!!!! They won't let me out of this padded cell!
Cocks his head to listen to a voice no one else can hear.
Jesus: That's what I told them!
Guard: Shut up and eat your peas or we'll take away your tv privileges.
Some Christians might argue that Jesus would never be caught and trapped in such a manner and could easily break free at anytime (he is the son of God after all), but I would point out that Jesus is not Superman. I mean, we nailed him to a plank of wood last time he was here and he didn't seem to be able to get out of that jam.
On a final note, our stager last night said that 80 percent of people can't visualize what a vacant house would look like with their furniture. This is course the polite way of saying "80 percent of people are complete unimaginative idiots". I'd also say it's closer to 99 percent.
*As I've often said, I talk to my cats because it guarantees me at least one intelligent conversation per day.
Was it a Catholic church? They bring bits of Jesus right to you! And you digest them!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure which church version it was. I'd forgotten about the whole catholic cannibalistic ritual thing.
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