Strange Ideas

My mum has had some really strange ideas over the years. Sometimes I think that women get to a certain age where they completely (and conveniently) forget any memories and experiences of being an adolescent.

I recall being in Grade 7 (it was around this time of year) and the weather had turned quite bitterly cold. I'd outgrown my old winter clothes over the year and so it was time to get some new ones.

My attentive mother went out shopping and came back with a bulky, blue, full body snow suit with powder/baby blue frills and collar. I imagine it's something Scott of the Antarctic would have worn...if he had suddenly and inexplicably turned incredibly gay.

Anyway, it was quite awful.

Now as everyone knows, Grade 7 (at least back in my day) was when people started becoming fashion conscious. Going to school in a snow suit, particularly one such as I've described was essentially a death sentence.

Naturally I made quite a stink about not wearing it.

She of course went through all the usual arguments:

1. All the others were too expensive.
2. It was too cold and I needed to wear the full body snow suit or I'd catch my death.
3. I'd get wet playing in the snow (Grade 7 of course is the year you stop playing in the snow, wear the minimal outerwear and stand around in small groups looking cold).
4. Nobody would make fun of me.
5. The other choice was one with fake red fur.
6. Nobody would beat me up. 
7. She wished she'd had something so cool when she was a kid. 
8. She wasn't about to make a second trip out. 
9. Your brother still has to wear a snowsuit (who was four years younger). 
10. Anyone that makes fun of you isn't really your friend (I wasn't worried about my friends making fun of me, which of course led to...)
11. You don't want to be friends with people that would make fun of you.

At this point my father came in to investigate what all the fuss was about and I feared that he would put an end to the matter and force me to wear the suit.

This was one of the few times in my childhood that he did something that completely surprised me (and for which I'm still grateful).

He stood up to my mother.

I believe his exact words were: "No son of mine is going to school dressed like that. He'll not last the day!"

My mother took me shopping, I picked out nice suede winter jacket and lived through Grade 7.

I needn't have worried though. The trick to surviving public school is to get in a class with someone more socially oblivious than you are.

We had such an interesting fellow in our class. I'll call him "Dirk".

Dirk liked figure skating... a lot. When he wasn't talking about it, he drew all sorts of added attention to himself by practicing his twirls and super quadruple sissy jumps in the playground.

He came to school that same day sporting his brand new bright red "Campbell Soup Kids Figure Skating" jacket. If you've seen one, you'll know it's the most hideously garish, sissiest article of outerwear in the universe... and incidentally a bright red invitation for having the crap kicked out of you.

The air force uses them for high altitude practice bombing runs.

Every geek, nerd or kid with a pair of braces or glasses was safe for the rest of the year.