I've often been tempted to abuse the company PA system.
Here are some of the things I'd like to do (you'll notice a number of hidden and not so hidden references):
1) Announce: "Imperial troops have entered the base! Imperial troops have... (static)".
2) Announce: "Dr. Nick Riviera, Dr. Nick Riviera. Please report to the mortician's office."
3) Play the original Star Trek's comm whistle.
4) Place the phone near an open mic for a prolonged period of time. Feedback is fun.
5) Play various pre-recorded screams and slashing sounds over the system and then silence... followed by: "I am the Angel of Death. The time of purification is at hand."
6) Take note of a number of license plates in the parking lot. Make the following announcement:
"The vehicles with the following license plates have been identified as being illegally parked. You have 30 seconds to move your vehicle or they will be towed and crushed at your expense."
Go wait by the door and watch the pandemonium ensue.
7) Leave the PA on speakerphone and lure your manager into candidly discussing how stupid specific people are. This only works if your area doesn't have a PA speaker anywhere near it (mine doesn't).
8) Announce:
"Attention! An unknown compound has been accidentally released into the ventilation system. We are almost certain it has now been contained. (Cough) Remain calm. All personal in the following sections of the building should (cough) immediately report to the men in hazmat suits by the unmarked white van. Do not (cough) panic. If you begin to exhibit any (cough) of the following symptoms..."
Begin simulating uncontrollable coughing and gagging and drop the phone on the floor.
Here are some of the things I'd like to do (you'll notice a number of hidden and not so hidden references):
1) Announce: "Imperial troops have entered the base! Imperial troops have... (static)".
2) Announce: "Dr. Nick Riviera, Dr. Nick Riviera. Please report to the mortician's office."
3) Play the original Star Trek's comm whistle.
4) Place the phone near an open mic for a prolonged period of time. Feedback is fun.
5) Play various pre-recorded screams and slashing sounds over the system and then silence... followed by: "I am the Angel of Death. The time of purification is at hand."
6) Take note of a number of license plates in the parking lot. Make the following announcement:
"The vehicles with the following license plates have been identified as being illegally parked. You have 30 seconds to move your vehicle or they will be towed and crushed at your expense."
Go wait by the door and watch the pandemonium ensue.
7) Leave the PA on speakerphone and lure your manager into candidly discussing how stupid specific people are. This only works if your area doesn't have a PA speaker anywhere near it (mine doesn't).
8) Announce:
"Attention! An unknown compound has been accidentally released into the ventilation system. We are almost certain it has now been contained. (Cough) Remain calm. All personal in the following sections of the building should (cough) immediately report to the men in hazmat suits by the unmarked white van. Do not (cough) panic. If you begin to exhibit any (cough) of the following symptoms..."
Begin simulating uncontrollable coughing and gagging and drop the phone on the floor.
Now granted, many of these are definitely grounds for dismissal and would probably result in jail time (hence why I would never actually pull any of the more dangerous stunts) but there are people I've worked with, through no malicious intent (but an incredible lack of foresight and intelligence), have tread dangerously close to some very similar exercises. For example, one of our managers thought it would be a "great" idea to set up and hide a smoke making machine during a fire drill (of course he hadn't mentioned this to Health and Safety). Just as well it failed to function at the appointed time.
Of course we all know how regular people react during an actual (or in this case, a well simulated) emergency.
I have a feeling he has no idea how lucky he is.
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