Homer: That baby-proofing crook wanted to sell us safety covers for the electrical outlets. But I'll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away. [Draws bunny faces on the electrical outlets]Marge: She's not afraid of bunnies.
Homer: She will be!
Many lessons I've learned about life have been acquired from the Simpsons... and child rearing is no exception!
The last few weeks of Iona being fully mobile has been a real eye opener and very educational for the both us in regards to how to baby proof your home:
How not to baby-proof your home:
- Evaluate your home for dangers.
- Plug up the electrical sockets, and put padding on on sharp corners.
- Move nick-knacks, sensitive electronics and assorted multimedia to higher ground.
- Do a sweep for all bite sized objects and move them to safe out of reach places.
- Secure all household cleaners and poisons in a inaccessible location.
- Anchor all bookshelves to the wall.
- Congratulate yourself on doing a comprehensive job at baby proofing your home.
- Fail miserably upon your baby becoming mobile after a total of two minutes and instantly locating a danger (or dangers) you did not identify in your baby proofing.
What you should really do:
- Borrow a mobile baby you are not emotionally vested in (you can acquire one by offering baby sitting services to parents with a one year old. They will jump at the chance, no questions asked... just don't tell them what you have planned.) Alternatively, you can try taking out an orphan on a "test drive". I'm not sure if adoption agencies do that or have a return policy, but if they do I'm pretty sure the child has to be returned in working order.
- Release the mobile baby in your home for an hour, pay extra special attention to what they are doing and take notes on the ensuing disaster. Take special note to which dangers are particularly attractive and which household poisons appear to be the most tasty.
- Return the baby in the condition in which he/she was borrowed (this part is key if you want to jump over the part where you wait 20 years before moving on to step four because you've been in prison).
- Resolve all the dangers you missed.
I do of course, kid. I would also say that the number of children waiting for a forever family in adoption agencies is appalling. Before Iona became a sure thing, my better half and I were seriously considering and researching adoption. The unfortunate thing is that most parents want a "fresh out of the womb" baby, which of course can mean waiting for many years or means pursuing the procurement of an abandoned child from a foreign country. I think it a shame that more people aren't adopting older children from this country. Certainly they will have a special set of challenges, but as I've recently learned, each child is different and will have their own set of special challenges.
This weeks challenges have been particularly difficult in that I've been on my own with Iona since Tuesday evening while her mother is away on business. Currently these challenges mostly include stopping Iona from putting everything in the house in her mouth, and then trying to calm her down because I'm not letting her do what she wants to. She's got this new gesture she uses when she's displeased... she puts both hands into fists and shakes them vigorously (occasionally banging them on the table) while exclaiming "Grrrrr!" I seriously think she has some strong Viking genes. I'm going to nickname her Erika the Red.
By the way, single parents... you deserve medals. I don't know how you cope!
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