In my profession, over the years I've come across a lot of very bad ideas, and there seems to be no shortage of them.
Unfortunately, it seems that people with no discernible technical skills or technical education often offer the most suggestions or "solutions" for technical issues. The less technical knowledge they have, the more opinionated and stubborn they are... and when you've been included in a committee of the non-technically inclined, anytime said ideas are shot down, the more they stick to their potentially ruinous concepts.
Here are some of my favourites over the years, some I've personally encountered, others that have become an industry wide push:
1) We should turn the server room into an office and move all that equipment into the closet downstairs.
Sounds pretty innocuous right? Well, for the un-technical, let me explain. Computers generate heat. Anyone have a laptop? Lift it up after you've been on it for a while. See how hot it gets underneath? Well, servers are exactly the same except that since they're bigger and doing a hell of a lot more, they generate a huge amount of heat. You could heat your house in the winter with a nice rack of servers... provided you enjoy sweltering in tropical-like heat. Now, let's move these servers from an open air-conditioned space into a small confined space, like the above mentioned closet, that has no air flow and no air conditioning. In a very short time, you won't have a server rack. You'll have a puddle of melted metal and plastic.
I gave the people that made that suggestion the same explanation. Now you'd think a couple of managers whose livelihood depends on the functioning of those servers would take that as sage device... this was their response:
"We need to hire another manager and we need the space... just get those servers moved."
Thankfully it never came to that as these managers were the type to become distracted by new ludicrous ideas every thirty seconds. At this particular business, I learned to wait a few days until they completely forgot about their latest brainwave. I think they ended up cramming the new manager in the closet.
2) We don't need an air conditioner in the new server room. There's plenty of air flow.
At another company they'd decided to build another server room and added a whole new cluster of servers along with the existing one. Naturally I suggested putting in a dedicated air-conditioner for the room and a dedicated circuit for it.
Guess who they ignored.
Once it was all up and running it took exactly one day for it to become apparent that they'd chosen the wrong course of action. When we came in that morning, our office, (which was outside of the new server room) was like a blast furnace. Everything was hot to the touch. I almost burned my hand on my keyboard... I kid you not... and we hadn't even opened the server room door yet. When we did, it was like we'd opened the gate to the seventh circle of hell.
We opened all the doors and grabbed every available fan we could find to help move the air out of the room while our office manager (under intense scrutiny from management) tried to explain why the entire second floor was at a blistering 35 degrees Celsius.
The following day I had my extra circuit and air-conditioning system.
3) BYOD
This is one of those industry-wide ideas that, like an ugly puppy, should have been quietly smothered the moment it came into existence (okay, I wouldn't smother an ugly puppy... certainly an ugly manager, but I'm sure that line got your attention). Anyway, I'm sure many an IT guy has tried his best to dissuade his company from implementing this and has been berated for his efforts.
For those unfamiliar with the term, I'll explain: BYOD is an acronym for Bring Your Own Device. It's very popular in countries that haven't adopted the indoor toilet... yet another clue to why the scheme should be avoided like the plague. It was probably the "great" idea of some bloated Montgommery C Burns like CEO somewhere who needed another dozen ivory back-scratchers.
Generally the idea is that because most people (apparently) have better computers at home than the ones they use at work, should therefore bring their own computer in from home to work from, thus removing an expense from the company budget.
What people (mostly greedy CEO types) don't understand is that this will actually cost the company more in the long run and here's why:
4) Lets Build an in-house software solution!
"We'll save money!"
"We have the personnel and know how to do it ourselves!"
"It will take half the time!"
"We'll have complete control over the product!"
"And think of all the money we'll save!"
And this is what management thinks before consulting the IT department (if they do at all), not that it usually changes their opinion after the fact anyway.
In most cases, when a company decides to build it's own software solution, it's kind of like burning your house down during the winter to stay warm.
I've been in meetings to discuss this kind of nonsense and all the above quotes are accurate.
Let me introduce some reality to anyone stupid enough to consider this approach:
You won't save money. It will cost significantly more in the long run, when it's two years overdue, and you've had to replace all the staff that have gone insane trying to create this mess, and juggle all the interim band-aid solutions that have implemented until this miracle program finally gets rolled out.
You don't have the in-house personnel or talent. Of course, you'll only discover this three-quarters of the way through the process (likely because everyone has been hiding their failures up to this point) when all the program will do is start up, and then crash your computer. Then you'll have to hire extra talent to clean up the mess.
It always takes three times longer than you thought it would. I've never seen or heard of one of these projects being done on time, or in less time than it would to implement an off the shelf solution. I pity the poor project managers that get saddled with these nightmares. Of course it doesn't help when management keeps changing requirements on a weekly basis: "I'd like the interface to be blue... red is such an angry colour. And there should only be one button, so when you click it, it just does everything for you. Could it also make coffee?"
You will have complete control of the software. Provided none of your staff leave, die or take holidays. Software that can't be fixed or changed because the lead programmer went mad and shot himself, taking all his coding secrets with him isn't going to be much good to you, particularly if he wrote the whole thing in kobol. Most programmers I know are also notorious for not generating notes or making information readily available for those who might require it at a future date. I've come to the conclusion that the only method for obtaining information from programmers is through a technique known as "water-boarding".
Let me re-iterate, you won't save money. These sorts of projects are where project managers go to die... and some companies too. It's like a hanging, drawing and quartering... messy, a large audience, but a lot less fun.
In my experience, only large corporations have the resources to make this kind of thing work... and even then it's not without it's headaches. If your a small to medium size business, approach a company that specializes in custom software. It's not like there's nobody out there doing it.
5) We don't need to purchase software... it's all free off the interwebs
Me: That is if you didn't bother to read the fine print. Most of this software is free for home use... not business use.
Them: But, it's free! It says so! And I use it on my laptop at home.
Me: You're not listening. You'll need to purchase a corporate license or would you prefer a lawsuit?
This usually solicits a blank stare.
Purchase the damn software. At the very least, you'll receive support for it.
6) Let's outsource the IT department!
My favourite! Why keep on permanent dedicated IT professionals who know your business inside and out and can respond to issues in a few minutes when you could replace them with an outsourced solution that occasionally resolves your issues within 24 hours... provided it's not a cheese sandwich stuck in a printer or an unplugged power cord.
Then it takes 48 hours to send around someone who will charge you an exuberant fee for an onsite visit.
Ultimately an outsource technician generally couldn't care less about your users and just isn't invested in your organization. Granted, we IT people can be insensitive clods, but someone who works for the same company is more likely to give a *$&*. In fact, you can tell how much of a *&$* they give by the amount of time they spend hanging around after they've fixed your computer, listening to your endless cat stories.
7) The IT Department doesn't need a budget!
For some reason (that still mystifies me) many company's feel that when they've invested in IT infrastructure once (namely servers, and various network components) that they'll never need to spend money on IT again. Sure... it makes perfect sense that we don't need to upgrade our 20 GB NT4 server after 15 years.
And the budget strangling doesn't stop with the big stuff.
I've lost count of the times over the years where I've been turned down for a $100 dollar expense for a necessary piece of equipment that will save the company significantly more in terms of time, efficiency and cash... only to discover later that all the executives have had their parking spots lined in gold paint.
8) Let's replace all the office computers with Macs
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Bad manager. Hold out your hand so I can smack it.
Now, I'm not impugning Apple products in anyway. I'm still very much attached to my 16 year old iMac. Every platform has it's place... it's just not generally a good fit inside your standard corporate office environment. This is the only argument (which I've had a few times over the year) that I've actually managed to win.
It usually starts off like this:
Manager: "Hey, you'll love this. We've decided to ditch all the Windows PCs and replace them with Macs!"
Me: "Okay great. I'm sure you've considered all the relevant points in regards to such a switch, specifically: none of our software will work on that platforms, many of our peripherals aren't supported and will need to be replaced, we will need to train all our staff again, and Macs are twice the price or more of a comparable PC."
Manager: "Never mind."
9) Windows updates are inherently bad, so we don't do them
What???
Yes, I've actually encountered businesses that subscribe to this flawed theory.
That's what a Windows Update Server is for. You download the updates you want, test them in a contained environment and then deploy them en mass.
But having severe security flaws is soooo much easier and what's life without a little risk taking?
10) Image over Substance: The Used Car Salesmen approach
I see this all the time.
Companies that would rather spend gobs of money on IT materials that make the business look very slick and professional (like flashy monitors and wireless keyboards) while ignoring infrastructure.
Example: The fact that an old Windows XP box in a closet is performing mission critical business functions that would be better handled by an actual server, and isn't being backed up isn't worrying at all. I mean, just because it crashes once a week and the operating system is no longer supported isn't a cause for concern, right?
But hey, I don't know what I'm talking about since I didn't graduate with a bachelors in business and don't understand (apparently) the businesses needs and long term strategic goals.
Whats's that? The XP box just died and won't reboot?
That's a crying shame.
Unfortunately, it seems that people with no discernible technical skills or technical education often offer the most suggestions or "solutions" for technical issues. The less technical knowledge they have, the more opinionated and stubborn they are... and when you've been included in a committee of the non-technically inclined, anytime said ideas are shot down, the more they stick to their potentially ruinous concepts.
Here are some of my favourites over the years, some I've personally encountered, others that have become an industry wide push:
1) We should turn the server room into an office and move all that equipment into the closet downstairs.
Sounds pretty innocuous right? Well, for the un-technical, let me explain. Computers generate heat. Anyone have a laptop? Lift it up after you've been on it for a while. See how hot it gets underneath? Well, servers are exactly the same except that since they're bigger and doing a hell of a lot more, they generate a huge amount of heat. You could heat your house in the winter with a nice rack of servers... provided you enjoy sweltering in tropical-like heat. Now, let's move these servers from an open air-conditioned space into a small confined space, like the above mentioned closet, that has no air flow and no air conditioning. In a very short time, you won't have a server rack. You'll have a puddle of melted metal and plastic.
I gave the people that made that suggestion the same explanation. Now you'd think a couple of managers whose livelihood depends on the functioning of those servers would take that as sage device... this was their response:
"We need to hire another manager and we need the space... just get those servers moved."
Thankfully it never came to that as these managers were the type to become distracted by new ludicrous ideas every thirty seconds. At this particular business, I learned to wait a few days until they completely forgot about their latest brainwave. I think they ended up cramming the new manager in the closet.
2) We don't need an air conditioner in the new server room. There's plenty of air flow.
At another company they'd decided to build another server room and added a whole new cluster of servers along with the existing one. Naturally I suggested putting in a dedicated air-conditioner for the room and a dedicated circuit for it.
Guess who they ignored.
Once it was all up and running it took exactly one day for it to become apparent that they'd chosen the wrong course of action. When we came in that morning, our office, (which was outside of the new server room) was like a blast furnace. Everything was hot to the touch. I almost burned my hand on my keyboard... I kid you not... and we hadn't even opened the server room door yet. When we did, it was like we'd opened the gate to the seventh circle of hell.
We opened all the doors and grabbed every available fan we could find to help move the air out of the room while our office manager (under intense scrutiny from management) tried to explain why the entire second floor was at a blistering 35 degrees Celsius.
The following day I had my extra circuit and air-conditioning system.
3) BYOD
This is one of those industry-wide ideas that, like an ugly puppy, should have been quietly smothered the moment it came into existence (okay, I wouldn't smother an ugly puppy... certainly an ugly manager, but I'm sure that line got your attention). Anyway, I'm sure many an IT guy has tried his best to dissuade his company from implementing this and has been berated for his efforts.
For those unfamiliar with the term, I'll explain: BYOD is an acronym for Bring Your Own Device. It's very popular in countries that haven't adopted the indoor toilet... yet another clue to why the scheme should be avoided like the plague. It was probably the "great" idea of some bloated Montgommery C Burns like CEO somewhere who needed another dozen ivory back-scratchers.
Generally the idea is that because most people (apparently) have better computers at home than the ones they use at work, should therefore bring their own computer in from home to work from, thus removing an expense from the company budget.
What people (mostly greedy CEO types) don't understand is that this will actually cost the company more in the long run and here's why:
- Most IT admins like to standardize their equipment. This makes it easy to track, repair, and deploy systems. Having everyone come in with their own brand of system will add hours and hours (if not more) of time to your IT departments workload. Personally, I resent it greatly when I can't have my mid-afternoon nap... so I sympathize with those in IT who have had BYOD thrust upon them.
- Most companies usually like to buy decent quality systems. Since most home users are clueless to what they're buying (through no fault of their own), they usually end up with cheap crap they breaks down on a regular basis... more maintenance for your over-worked IT department.
- Most home systems I've worked on are so badly compromised and infested with viruses, they need to be set on fire to disinfect them properly. Having systems brought into your company which the IT department has no control over from a security standpoint is just looking for trouble, unless of course the company has too much money and would really like to donate all the surplus to a Nigerian "prince".
- When your IT department installs expensive business software on these home systems, what happens when the employee leaves? Well, they get a bunch of free software (your company is now in violation of several software licensing agreements) and they've probably taken a bunch of sensitive company data with them.
4) Lets Build an in-house software solution!
"We'll save money!"
"We have the personnel and know how to do it ourselves!"
"It will take half the time!"
"We'll have complete control over the product!"
"And think of all the money we'll save!"
And this is what management thinks before consulting the IT department (if they do at all), not that it usually changes their opinion after the fact anyway.
In most cases, when a company decides to build it's own software solution, it's kind of like burning your house down during the winter to stay warm.
I've been in meetings to discuss this kind of nonsense and all the above quotes are accurate.
Let me introduce some reality to anyone stupid enough to consider this approach:
You won't save money. It will cost significantly more in the long run, when it's two years overdue, and you've had to replace all the staff that have gone insane trying to create this mess, and juggle all the interim band-aid solutions that have implemented until this miracle program finally gets rolled out.
You don't have the in-house personnel or talent. Of course, you'll only discover this three-quarters of the way through the process (likely because everyone has been hiding their failures up to this point) when all the program will do is start up, and then crash your computer. Then you'll have to hire extra talent to clean up the mess.
It always takes three times longer than you thought it would. I've never seen or heard of one of these projects being done on time, or in less time than it would to implement an off the shelf solution. I pity the poor project managers that get saddled with these nightmares. Of course it doesn't help when management keeps changing requirements on a weekly basis: "I'd like the interface to be blue... red is such an angry colour. And there should only be one button, so when you click it, it just does everything for you. Could it also make coffee?"
You will have complete control of the software. Provided none of your staff leave, die or take holidays. Software that can't be fixed or changed because the lead programmer went mad and shot himself, taking all his coding secrets with him isn't going to be much good to you, particularly if he wrote the whole thing in kobol. Most programmers I know are also notorious for not generating notes or making information readily available for those who might require it at a future date. I've come to the conclusion that the only method for obtaining information from programmers is through a technique known as "water-boarding".
Let me re-iterate, you won't save money. These sorts of projects are where project managers go to die... and some companies too. It's like a hanging, drawing and quartering... messy, a large audience, but a lot less fun.
In my experience, only large corporations have the resources to make this kind of thing work... and even then it's not without it's headaches. If your a small to medium size business, approach a company that specializes in custom software. It's not like there's nobody out there doing it.
5) We don't need to purchase software... it's all free off the interwebs
Me: That is if you didn't bother to read the fine print. Most of this software is free for home use... not business use.
Them: But, it's free! It says so! And I use it on my laptop at home.
Me: You're not listening. You'll need to purchase a corporate license or would you prefer a lawsuit?
This usually solicits a blank stare.
Purchase the damn software. At the very least, you'll receive support for it.
6) Let's outsource the IT department!
My favourite! Why keep on permanent dedicated IT professionals who know your business inside and out and can respond to issues in a few minutes when you could replace them with an outsourced solution that occasionally resolves your issues within 24 hours... provided it's not a cheese sandwich stuck in a printer or an unplugged power cord.
Then it takes 48 hours to send around someone who will charge you an exuberant fee for an onsite visit.
Ultimately an outsource technician generally couldn't care less about your users and just isn't invested in your organization. Granted, we IT people can be insensitive clods, but someone who works for the same company is more likely to give a *$&*. In fact, you can tell how much of a *&$* they give by the amount of time they spend hanging around after they've fixed your computer, listening to your endless cat stories.
7) The IT Department doesn't need a budget!
For some reason (that still mystifies me) many company's feel that when they've invested in IT infrastructure once (namely servers, and various network components) that they'll never need to spend money on IT again. Sure... it makes perfect sense that we don't need to upgrade our 20 GB NT4 server after 15 years.
And the budget strangling doesn't stop with the big stuff.
I've lost count of the times over the years where I've been turned down for a $100 dollar expense for a necessary piece of equipment that will save the company significantly more in terms of time, efficiency and cash... only to discover later that all the executives have had their parking spots lined in gold paint.
8) Let's replace all the office computers with Macs
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Bad manager. Hold out your hand so I can smack it.
Now, I'm not impugning Apple products in anyway. I'm still very much attached to my 16 year old iMac. Every platform has it's place... it's just not generally a good fit inside your standard corporate office environment. This is the only argument (which I've had a few times over the year) that I've actually managed to win.
It usually starts off like this:
Manager: "Hey, you'll love this. We've decided to ditch all the Windows PCs and replace them with Macs!"
Me: "Okay great. I'm sure you've considered all the relevant points in regards to such a switch, specifically: none of our software will work on that platforms, many of our peripherals aren't supported and will need to be replaced, we will need to train all our staff again, and Macs are twice the price or more of a comparable PC."
Manager: "Never mind."
9) Windows updates are inherently bad, so we don't do them
What???
Yes, I've actually encountered businesses that subscribe to this flawed theory.
That's what a Windows Update Server is for. You download the updates you want, test them in a contained environment and then deploy them en mass.
But having severe security flaws is soooo much easier and what's life without a little risk taking?
10) Image over Substance: The Used Car Salesmen approach
I see this all the time.
Companies that would rather spend gobs of money on IT materials that make the business look very slick and professional (like flashy monitors and wireless keyboards) while ignoring infrastructure.
Example: The fact that an old Windows XP box in a closet is performing mission critical business functions that would be better handled by an actual server, and isn't being backed up isn't worrying at all. I mean, just because it crashes once a week and the operating system is no longer supported isn't a cause for concern, right?
But hey, I don't know what I'm talking about since I didn't graduate with a bachelors in business and don't understand (apparently) the businesses needs and long term strategic goals.
Whats's that? The XP box just died and won't reboot?
That's a crying shame.
Ah, the good old lets not spend money to keep things running smoothly, then spend several times what you would have spent just to get a system back to limping again. sigh
ReplyDeleteYes, been there, done that, way too many times, and this list becomes a great reference for the future.