Xorton's Rant

"We will bring you Jesus" That's what was written on a sign outside a church I drove by last night. I just find it rather amusing. How does one go about bringing me a guy that's been dead for the better part of two thousand years? Is repeating the same tired stories really the same thing? I mean, you wouldn't get away with announcing "I will bring you The Beatles" and then playing a bunch of records. You'd probably get sued. And on a related note: how is it that if I talk to my cats, I'm "nuts"*, but if I "pray" to dead guy and his invisible bearded father or a four armed blue elephant, I'm "sane". I find it amazing that millions of Christians actually believe that this same dead guy will come back to life and rapture the true believers up to heaven... although I would point out, if this is actually the case, Jesus is probably locked up in an institution somewhere. While "praying" to non-existent de...

For many years I have tried and failed to take a picture of the elusive "cat with tongue stuck out". Every time over the past three decades that I have come across a cat with it's tongue stuck out and tried to take a picture, the wee bastards pull their tongue back in just as I'm taking the photo. I'm convinced they do it on purpose. Well, two nights ago, I finally succeeded in snapping two pictures of our cat Charlie... the results aren't up to my usual cat portrait standards, but at least he looks like a flaming idiot: Duhhhhhh

The following conversation really happened. User: That's a nice desktop. Me: Thank-you User: Is that a picture of our galaxy? Me: (Total Shock, mouth gaping open) Uhhhhhhh... whuhh??? User: Is that a picture of our galaxy? Me: I think you've mistaken our century for one that has faster than light travel. User: Huh? I don't understand. Me: Nevermind... it's a nice picture. Does anyone else have these conversations, or am I just lucky enough to encounter an above average amount of total *%#$-heads? I suppose I should be simply impressed they correctly identified it as a galaxy.

I was recently having a frustrating conversation with a user in regards to anti-virus. I don't recall how the conversation turned to the following point:  User: "You mean I have to have my computer turned on for the antivirus to scan? Well, that's just stupid." Pretty horrifying, isn't it?  I'm often surprised there aren't more deaths from shower drowning. 

This past weekend I attended a showing of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan which of course is my favourite Star Trek film (isn't it every Trekkie/Trekkers?) and also ranks in my personal top ten films of all time. The showing was part of day long Star Trek event for the anniversary so the cinema was dominated by Trek fans (I now regret not wearing my red "Expendable" shirt), so I felt a little out of place among all the Andorians, Klingons and Starfleet officers. It was the first time I'd seen Wrath of Khan on "the big screen", so initially I was a little disappointed with the quality of the print. The cinema had to be using one of the original prints from the original release in 1982... the sound was choppy and crackly, and the film was splotchy and had a brown/orange tint to it throughout... but I have to say it was still one of the most fun events I've ever been to and a very memorable viewing of Star Trek II... mostly because of the fan pres...

It was brought to my attention this morning that I may have a Star Wars addiction, and on reflection... yes I probably do. Will I do anything about it? No, chance. But here's some questions you can ask yourself to ascertain whether you're in the same boat as me: You proudly know the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field or the distance to the main power generators off the top of your head (that's 3720 to 1 and 1-7 decimal 2-8 respectively), but can't remember your times tables or your own license plate. Know that the Ewok name for the AT-AT (or Imperial Walker) is torontogosh. Have been pushing Star Wars merchandise on your nephews that haven't even seen the movie yet. Use quotations from Star Wars in everyday conversation (you'd be surprised how often during the work day that I use "You have failed me for the last time", "Ooteenee" or "Everything that has transpired has done so to my design. Now witness the firepower ...

I'm going to the Bad Fire... Yesterday I read in the news that a 80 year old parishioner had ruined a fresco of Jesus while attempting to "restore" it. I honestly think it's awesome. Lay off the old gal. I'm sure I couldn't do any better. Granted it does look a little like a monkey, but at the risk of being sacrilegious and dragged off to be stoned to death, it's probably a far more realistic representation of what the guy actually looked like than the skinny caucasian hipppy that most Christians fawn over. Good job granny... I wonder if they'd let her have a go at the Sistine Chapel? Billy Joe and Dorian Gray... I've just seen an interview with Green Day in regards to their upcoming release of a trio of albums... and while I'm watching, I'm thinking to myself "there's a picture of Billy Joe hidden in a closet somewhere that's rapidly aging." Have you seen this guy? He's 40 and he doesn't look that muc...