Xorton's Rant

This morning I was thinking about other funny anecdotes I could post and I happened to remember one from a few years ago. I was sitting in a Tim Hortons/Wendys restaurant with my girlfriend and in-laws. My girlfriend was waiting in line for a coffee and had been waiting a considerable amount of time as one generally has to in a Tim Hortons. This is usually a due to: Stupid customers who don't know what they want despite the fact that they've been in line for 10 minutes. Stupid customers who have orders for 20 people, but haven't bothered to write it down conveniently for the people serving them.  Stupid Tim Hortons staff who don't know what a honey dipped doughnut is. Really. I ordered one once and the idiot behind the counter didn't know what a honey dipped doughnut was. I mean if you've decided on a career at Tim Hortons (judging by this individuals age), you'd better &*$%*@^! learn what a honey dipped doughnut is. Anyway... I digress... So, ...

I think most people with personalized license plates are a bunch of tossers, however occasionally you do encounter one that is either quite witty or just plain cool. For example, this morning I was driving behind someone with the license plate: QAPLAA. It's actually spelled "qapla"... but I suppose if you're screaming it as Klingon would, an extra "a" or three is quite reasonable. I imagine they drive around with a bat'leth under their seat... tops my "argument winning stick". qapla' batlh je!

Recently I have received a number of compliments for my blog.  I certainly can't take all the credit... I have to give a special "thank-you" to all the flaming morons I'm surrounded by for supplying me with quality material to complain about. That said, there are unfortunately long periods where I don't post anything because I run low on anecdotes because the morons just aren't being entertaining enough... that or I may be otherwise distracted with my current Minecraft (or Mindcrack as I call it) addiction.   I have considered engineering situations wherein the morons would create some interesting anecdotes, but unfortunately most of these would likely result in a lawsuit and/or jail time. So, in future during the dry periods I will be posting a series of cartoons drawn several years ago by myself and a friend of mine. I don't claim to be the best artist or for the material to be entirely original (it's a little derivative of the Far Sid...

"We will bring you Jesus" That's what was written on a sign outside a church I drove by last night. I just find it rather amusing. How does one go about bringing me a guy that's been dead for the better part of two thousand years? Is repeating the same tired stories really the same thing? I mean, you wouldn't get away with announcing "I will bring you The Beatles" and then playing a bunch of records. You'd probably get sued. And on a related note: how is it that if I talk to my cats, I'm "nuts"*, but if I "pray" to dead guy and his invisible bearded father or a four armed blue elephant, I'm "sane". I find it amazing that millions of Christians actually believe that this same dead guy will come back to life and rapture the true believers up to heaven... although I would point out, if this is actually the case, Jesus is probably locked up in an institution somewhere. While "praying" to non-existent de...

For many years I have tried and failed to take a picture of the elusive "cat with tongue stuck out". Every time over the past three decades that I have come across a cat with it's tongue stuck out and tried to take a picture, the wee bastards pull their tongue back in just as I'm taking the photo. I'm convinced they do it on purpose. Well, two nights ago, I finally succeeded in snapping two pictures of our cat Charlie... the results aren't up to my usual cat portrait standards, but at least he looks like a flaming idiot: Duhhhhhh

The following conversation really happened. User: That's a nice desktop. Me: Thank-you User: Is that a picture of our galaxy? Me: (Total Shock, mouth gaping open) Uhhhhhhh... whuhh??? User: Is that a picture of our galaxy? Me: I think you've mistaken our century for one that has faster than light travel. User: Huh? I don't understand. Me: Nevermind... it's a nice picture. Does anyone else have these conversations, or am I just lucky enough to encounter an above average amount of total *%#$-heads? I suppose I should be simply impressed they correctly identified it as a galaxy.

I was recently having a frustrating conversation with a user in regards to anti-virus. I don't recall how the conversation turned to the following point:  User: "You mean I have to have my computer turned on for the antivirus to scan? Well, that's just stupid." Pretty horrifying, isn't it?  I'm often surprised there aren't more deaths from shower drowning.