Skip to main content

Free Gold

This morning I was thinking about other funny anecdotes I could post and I happened to remember one from a few years ago.

I was sitting in a Tim Hortons/Wendys restaurant with my girlfriend and in-laws. My girlfriend was waiting in line for a coffee and had been waiting a considerable amount of time as one generally has to in a Tim Hortons. This is usually a due to:

  1. Stupid customers who don't know what they want despite the fact that they've been in line for 10 minutes.
  2. Stupid customers who have orders for 20 people, but haven't bothered to write it down conveniently for the people serving them. 
  3. Stupid Tim Hortons staff who don't know what a honey dipped doughnut is. Really. I ordered one once and the idiot behind the counter didn't know what a honey dipped doughnut was. I mean if you've decided on a career at Tim Hortons (judging by this individuals age), you'd better &*$%*@^! learn what a honey dipped doughnut is. Anyway... I digress...
So, as we were waiting for my girlfriend to return with her coffee, I remarked to my in-laws that I refuse to wait in line for anything for longer than five minutes. Very little in life is worth waiting in line for, particularly for more than five minutes (okay, maybe insulin) but very little else. Many of my friends can attest to the many times I've stormed out of various establishments swearing up a storm due to a giant line that wasn't moving. 

The following conversation ensued: 

Sister in-law: Really? You won't wait in a line for anything?

Me: Nope. 

Sister in law: What if it was a line for free gold? 

Me: I would hide outside the "Free Gold" building and hit people over the head as they left with their free gold. I would then take their free gold. 

Sister in-law: But that would be murder. 

Me: In this wonderful, magical universe where they hand out free gold (and I'm making the assumption that the gold is actually valuable in this universe), I think I have a little latitude as to how I go about obtaining this free gold. 

I do have to point out that my sister in-law is actually very intelligent and she had other things on her mind at this time... so it wasn't one of her best analogies. Still, I'm a cheeky bugger and there's no way I could have let that slide. 







Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Free Software for Some, Empty Wallets for Others

As an IT professional (and a cheap bastard), it infuriates me when I see people being roped and lured into spending hard on cash on expensive software solutions when there are a multitude of open source, free alternatives readily available on the internet. Stop throwing your money at greedy corporate executives who certainly don't need yet another fancy chess set (that they don't even know how to use) carved out of some endangered species or another ocean going yacht to add to their fleet. Why spend hundreds of dollars when you can pay nothing at all (most of these software projects accept donations, which I would strongly encourage). You'll feel a lot better donating ten bucks for some fabulous software and keeping the free software revolution going, than lining the pockets of the above mentioned corporate goons. Here's some stuff you'll find useful at home: Gimp : A flexible and comprehensive alternative to throwing hundreds of dollars away for Adobe Photosh...
4 comments
Read more

Christmas Shopping for the Smart

I recently completed my annual July Christmas shopping and a friend noticed the large amount of shopping bags coming out of my car. He casually inquired what it was all for and when I remarked, it was for Christmas, he looked rather puzzled and asked "why now?" Why now indeed? Let's face it, Christmas shopping is an incredible pain in the ass at the best of times... unless you do it in July like the smart, organized people. Let's look at the many benefits of completing the task, six months ahead of schedule. 1. Shopping in shorts, sandals and a t-shirt is a hell of a lot easier than shopping in several layers of clothes, heavy boots, scarves, woolly hat, and heavy fur lined coat. Sure, just like wearing all that crazy winter survival getup, you may get a little warm and uncomfortable lugging all those bags around, but the difference is that I can buy a cool drink, sit out in the shade and relax outside. Relaxing and taking off all that gear just isn't possi...
3 comments
Read more

I got nuthin'

Recently I have received a number of compliments for my blog.  I certainly can't take all the credit... I have to give a special "thank-you" to all the flaming morons I'm surrounded by for supplying me with quality material to complain about. That said, there are unfortunately long periods where I don't post anything because I run low on anecdotes because the morons just aren't being entertaining enough... that or I may be otherwise distracted with my current Minecraft (or Mindcrack as I call it) addiction.   I have considered engineering situations wherein the morons would create some interesting anecdotes, but unfortunately most of these would likely result in a lawsuit and/or jail time. So, in future during the dry periods I will be posting a series of cartoons drawn several years ago by myself and a friend of mine. I don't claim to be the best artist or for the material to be entirely original (it's a little derivative of the Far Sid...
4 comments
Read more