There is a certain type of computer user that only relates information regarding a problem under severe interrogation. My first example is quoted from a phone conversation:
Me: Hello, IT. How can I help you?
User: Computer is not working.
Me: Can you tell me how the computer is not working?
User: Uh, I can't get my email.
Me: Which computer are you using?
User: Uh, the big one by the door.
Me: Can you be a little more specific? What is the asset tag number on the front of the computer?
User: HP... no! Dell I think.
Me: That's not an asset tag number. Where are you in the building right now?
User: By the big computer by the door.
At this point I'm usually digging a pen into the back of my hand. This conversation is very close to one that was featured in an episode of "The IT Crowd" (which I highly recommend), but it's truly amazing how often I have this exact same conversation. It usually ends with me telling them to stand by the computer and walking around the building until I find the user/computer in question. It would probably be easier to find them if I asked them to jump up and down and scream, but I don't think my suggestion would be appreciated very much. Invariably the computer or monitor is just off. in some cases, it's not even the computer at all, but a printer... which makes the first part of my conversation with them all the more confusing.
My second example is by email:
User: I have a problem with my computer.
In my head: Care to clarify?
Actual response: What's the problem?
User: One of my programs won't start.
In my head: OK... which @#$& program?
Actual Response: Which program?
User: One of the office one's.
In my head: Are you @#&% kidding me? WHICH @$%# PROGRAM???
Actual response: Which one?
User: I think it's Word.
In my head: Because it's so easy to confuse say Word and Access.
Actual response: Was there an error message or did it just not start?
User: Yes.
In my head: Aw for @#$& sake.
Actual response: So there was an error message then?
User: Yes.
In my head: This would be a lot @%#& easier if you just related all the information all at once you realize?
Actual Response: What did the message say?
User: I don't know. I'd have to check again later. Can you fix it later? I'm busy now.
In my head: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArgh!!!!
Actual response: Sure. Call me when you're available.
I almost never get a call back. Most of the time I imagine that it's because they figured out on their own that they were trying to open a document saved on a cheese sandwich they've jammed in their CD-ROM drive... which is entirely believable because you wouldn't believe how much interesting gunk I have to clean out of these poor computers.
Still, I suppose it's better than the users that don't report issues at all. I usually encounter these individuals when touring the buidling looking for the user who can't get their email from the computer that isn't turned on.
Me: Gee, that monitor is displaying some pretty trippy colours. How long has it been doing that?
User: Oh, I dunno. A couple of months.
Me: Uh, don't you find it hard to read those documents?
User: Oh yeah... it's incredibly painful. After about two hours I end up with these terrible migraines and I just want to dig my eyes out with a spoon. Sometimes it helps if I wear my sunglasses.
Me: Why didn't you call IT?
User: What's an IT?
Me: I'll get you a new monitor.
User: Wow, thanks. Oh, and while you're here, the toilets clogged and the light bulbs need changing in the utility closet.
And people wonder why I have no sympathy for humans.
Me: Hello, IT. How can I help you?
User: Computer is not working.
Me: Can you tell me how the computer is not working?
User: Uh, I can't get my email.
Me: Which computer are you using?
User: Uh, the big one by the door.
Me: Can you be a little more specific? What is the asset tag number on the front of the computer?
User: HP... no! Dell I think.
Me: That's not an asset tag number. Where are you in the building right now?
User: By the big computer by the door.
At this point I'm usually digging a pen into the back of my hand. This conversation is very close to one that was featured in an episode of "The IT Crowd" (which I highly recommend), but it's truly amazing how often I have this exact same conversation. It usually ends with me telling them to stand by the computer and walking around the building until I find the user/computer in question. It would probably be easier to find them if I asked them to jump up and down and scream, but I don't think my suggestion would be appreciated very much. Invariably the computer or monitor is just off. in some cases, it's not even the computer at all, but a printer... which makes the first part of my conversation with them all the more confusing.
My second example is by email:
User: I have a problem with my computer.
In my head: Care to clarify?
Actual response: What's the problem?
User: One of my programs won't start.
In my head: OK... which @#$& program?
Actual Response: Which program?
User: One of the office one's.
In my head: Are you @#&% kidding me? WHICH @$%# PROGRAM???
Actual response: Which one?
User: I think it's Word.
In my head: Because it's so easy to confuse say Word and Access.
Actual response: Was there an error message or did it just not start?
User: Yes.
In my head: Aw for @#$& sake.
Actual response: So there was an error message then?
User: Yes.
In my head: This would be a lot @%#& easier if you just related all the information all at once you realize?
Actual Response: What did the message say?
User: I don't know. I'd have to check again later. Can you fix it later? I'm busy now.
In my head: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArgh!!!!
Actual response: Sure. Call me when you're available.
I almost never get a call back. Most of the time I imagine that it's because they figured out on their own that they were trying to open a document saved on a cheese sandwich they've jammed in their CD-ROM drive... which is entirely believable because you wouldn't believe how much interesting gunk I have to clean out of these poor computers.
Still, I suppose it's better than the users that don't report issues at all. I usually encounter these individuals when touring the buidling looking for the user who can't get their email from the computer that isn't turned on.
Me: Gee, that monitor is displaying some pretty trippy colours. How long has it been doing that?
User: Oh, I dunno. A couple of months.
Me: Uh, don't you find it hard to read those documents?
User: Oh yeah... it's incredibly painful. After about two hours I end up with these terrible migraines and I just want to dig my eyes out with a spoon. Sometimes it helps if I wear my sunglasses.
Me: Why didn't you call IT?
User: What's an IT?
Me: I'll get you a new monitor.
User: Wow, thanks. Oh, and while you're here, the toilets clogged and the light bulbs need changing in the utility closet.
And people wonder why I have no sympathy for humans.
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