Relatives can be an endless source of amusement and frustration when it comes to computers. My family seems to be particularly useless.
One of my "favourite" stories is from my dad. I'd just dropped off a new monitor for him and received a phone call shortly afterwards:
Dad: There's something wrong with this monitor you gave me. The screen's all funny.
Me: Define "funny".
Dad: Well, it's all runny and melted looking.
Me: That's strange. I've never heard anything like that before. It was working perfectly fine before I dropped it off. Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Dad: Repeatedly. It even looks melted when it's off.
Me: What? That can't be right... have you cleaned the screen recently?
Dad: No.
Me: Are you sure?
Dad: Well, I just wiped it down.
Me: With what? Plutonium?
Dad. No... mumble, mumble water mumble mumble. Can you fix it?
Me: Are you sure it was "just" water.
Dad: I have to go now. Click.
Within a few weeks my brother told me that my dad had "cleaned" it using nail polish remover. That's somewhat like trimming your hair by cleaving off your scalp.
Another "fun" situation occurred when my aunt came to stay with my parents and her computer became infected:
Aunt: My computer has one of those virus thingies.
Me: What anti-virus are you using?
Aunt: I'm using your parents.
Me: No, you're using my parents internet access.
Aunt: Yeah, that's right, I'm using your parents internet.
Me: You don't understand, there's a difference between "the internet" and "anti-virus protection".
Aunt: (Blank look)
Me: What program do you have installed on your computer that is an anti-virus product? It could be called something like AVG or Symantec or McAffee...
Aunt: (Blank look)
I fear for humanity, although it might be better for the universe if we become extinct.
One of my "favourite" stories is from my dad. I'd just dropped off a new monitor for him and received a phone call shortly afterwards:
Dad: There's something wrong with this monitor you gave me. The screen's all funny.
Me: Define "funny".
Dad: Well, it's all runny and melted looking.
Me: That's strange. I've never heard anything like that before. It was working perfectly fine before I dropped it off. Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Dad: Repeatedly. It even looks melted when it's off.
Me: What? That can't be right... have you cleaned the screen recently?
Dad: No.
Me: Are you sure?
Dad: Well, I just wiped it down.
Me: With what? Plutonium?
Dad. No... mumble, mumble water mumble mumble. Can you fix it?
Me: Are you sure it was "just" water.
Dad: I have to go now. Click.
Within a few weeks my brother told me that my dad had "cleaned" it using nail polish remover. That's somewhat like trimming your hair by cleaving off your scalp.
Another "fun" situation occurred when my aunt came to stay with my parents and her computer became infected:
Aunt: My computer has one of those virus thingies.
Me: What anti-virus are you using?
Aunt: I'm using your parents.
Me: No, you're using my parents internet access.
Aunt: Yeah, that's right, I'm using your parents internet.
Me: You don't understand, there's a difference between "the internet" and "anti-virus protection".
Aunt: (Blank look)
Me: What program do you have installed on your computer that is an anti-virus product? It could be called something like AVG or Symantec or McAffee...
Aunt: (Blank look)
I fear for humanity, although it might be better for the universe if we become extinct.
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