The Land of Irn-Bru and Fish Suppers: Part I

"They" say that nobody travels to Scotland for the weather.

"They" have never met me.

I travel to Scotland almost exclusively for the weather. It's one of the few places I don't have to slather on several layers of spf 600 sunscreen and I'm in no danger of sunstroke or heatstroke. Such are the hardships for those with a complexion of pasty pale blue.

Of course there are many other compelling reasons to visiting Scotland in addition to the weather, such as the best fish suppers in the world, and the best drink in the world: Irn-Bru*. It's the only country on the planet where Coca-Cola is not the best selling soft drink.

Oh, and there's a bunch of scenic places, sites of historical interest and cultural stuff too:

Coldingham and St. Abbs

Coldingham Bay

It's not the first destination people have in mind when they visit Scotland, but I have family there and I also love quaint wee sea-side villages. Additionally, it's quiet, has a lovely little pub, and best of all, there's not a bloody Frenchmen in site.

You can spend days in this area, happily just wandering around old churchyards, and the scenic coast, taking in the occasional pint and fish supper.

Bring a jumper**, they don't call it the "North Sea" for no particular reason. Strangely, it's apparently a good place to surf... although I don't equate cold places with being great surfing locations.

Edinburgh

Arthur's Seat... Arthur must have had a big arse

Properly pronounced: Ed-in-bruh

It drives me nutty when people pronounce it as it's spelled.

Once called the Paris of the North (which still could be true based on the sheer amount of French tourists), Edinburgh is now in my opinion, the Niagara Falls of Scotland. That is to say it's a beautiful location now filled with cheap tourist crap and even cheaper looking tourists.

Perhaps I'm being a bit unfair... Edinburgh isn't that bad. The only places on Earth as tacky or tackier than the city of Niagara Falls are Blackpool and Las Vegas.... but in the latter two cases, a splendiforis natural wonder of the world wasn't decorated like a cheap hooker in the process.

When it's not filled with cheap crap and annoying tourists, you may actually notice things like the big castle on the hill and the big hill without a castle. I refer to:

Edinburgh Castle... a good place for a roulette table? 

Edinburgh Castle. It's built on an ancient volcanic outcrop making it historically rather inaccessible to uninvited guests. Not much point having a castle if it's as defensible as the bouncy type. Edinburgh Castle thankfully hasn't been converted into a casino yet... but it could happen.

Arthur's Seat. A very scenic a large hill in the middle of the city, good for those who like a good hike or climb. If it were anywhere else in the world (say Toronto), it would probably have a bunch of nasty condos stuck on it.

There's a lot of other things to do in Edinburgh while you're there... but I wouldn't know as I haven't hung around long enough to find out.

Queensferry

Queensferry is another lovely little seaside village. It's main claim to fame is the monumental Forth Bridge, a triumph of 19th century engineering. The people that ran the ferry's across the forth weren't to happy about it when it went up. Progress often means that those most resistant to change will soon be out of a job.

The Forth Rail Bridge

Stirling

Stirling Castle

Striling is a beautifully scenic place. Like Edinburgh, it too has a castle on a ancient volcanic outcrop, but without all the excessive tackiness. I think Stirling Castle is the nicer of the two to visit, but if you've seen one, (especially if you're not terribly interested in castles) then you can safely skip the other.

Stirling is the site of much history, most notably as being a location where the Scots got the better of the English at the Battle of Stirling Bridge. You may remember the battle in Mel Gibson's notoriously inaccurate, Braveheart. He left out the most important part of the battle... the bridge.

A good excercise

For commanding views of the local scenery and Stirling Castle, I recommend a climb up the Wallace Monument. Myth has it that William Wallace watched the English army approach from this vantage point, so in the 19th century they built this tower in his honour.

Of course, one nations hero is another's butcher. In London he was tried and executed for treason and for atrocities against civilians... apparently he wasn't all that squeamish about slaughtering nuns, monks, women, or children. Nothing shouts "Freedom" like chopping up babies.

Speaking of which, that bit at the end of Braveheart where Mel Gibson screams "Freedom!" as he's being hung, drawn and quartered is rubbish too. Most people who are having their intestines pulled out and burnt before their eyes do a lot of screaming, true. I think I can guarantee it also happens to be completely unintelligible. But I digress...

The monument should be advertised as a great way to lose weight. It's a 15 minute climb up the hill to the monument, and then a further 246 steps up to the top (although it felt like a hell of a lot more!)

From the top of the monument

The scenery and views of Stirling and the castle are well worth the effort. The day we went it was so windy we were almost blown off the damn thing by gale force winds.

Next Up: The Land of Irn-Bru and Fish Suppers: Part II

*Also known as Scottish water, it comes in leaded and unleaded varieties. 
**Sweater