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Things I never imagined I would say

Being the parent of a one year old (plus several months), I often find myself saying things that I never imagined I would be saying.

In fact, many of these words I never even imagined would be organized into a single sentence in the first place.
  1. Why is there snot all over your shoes?
  2. Please take the cat's tail of of your mouth. 
  3. Why are you mashing bananas into your hair? 
  4. The chair is not for wiping your nose on. 
  5. My shirt is not for wiping your nose on. 
  6. The cat is not for wiping your nose on. 
  7. Please remove your finger from my nose. 
  8. Why are there potatoes in your ears? 
  9. Please stop smearing poo on your forehead! 
  10. Do your 'Happy Wiggle Dance' for Daddy!
  11. Thank-you for offering, but Daddy really doesn't want to eat a handful of pre-chewed corn. 
  12. Why are you using your nappy to store crackers?
  13. Stop! You must not Hop on Pop!*
  14. Don't kill Daddy, you may require his services later on.  
And while I imagine I would say the following sentence to Iona at some point in the future, I did not anticipate saying it quite so soon: "Iona, your music is shite". You see, Iona has figure out how to turn on the radio and enjoys dancing to whatever crap happens to be on. 

 Thankfully, she has more recently discovered how to turn on my old stereo, so I've thrown some old mix tapes into the deck. Who knew 90's techno would be such a big hit with a 16 month old. "No Limit" by 2 Unlimited seems to be her favourite at the moment. 

 *I also never imagined I would memorize a dozen or more children's books. 

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