Xorton's Rant

Our cat is certifiable. All cats of course, are insane, but mine seems especially so. We call her "Mad Mattie" (her name is Matilda). For example, at specific points during the day, she requires me to walk around with her to do closet inspections. She'll meow plaintively at a closed closet door and have me open it for her (she's actually very clever and understands how knobs work... fortunately she doesn't have opposable digits to open things herself). She then proceeds to inspect the closet in detail. I'm not sure what she's looking for, but she seems to consider it extremely important. Another case: one day I came across her using her litter. I'm generally not very interested in the toilet habits of cats, but her technique struck me as odd enough to take notice. When she uses her litter, she stands up, her back paws on either side of the box, while her front paws are on the wall. It just very unnerving. Another example of my cats unbalanced m...

Released : December 1998 Publisher : Lucas Arts Developer : Factor 5 Platform : Nintendo 64, Windows PC Type : Action, Shooter Graphics : Narly Game Play : Narly Originality : Meh How many hours I’ve wasted : Narly The Nostalgia Factor : Narly While Tie Fighter and X-Wing still rank higher, Rogue Squadron was an excellent Star Wars fighter simulator for the Nintendo 64 console. The first game I actually played on the Nintendo 64 platform was Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire . For those of you who don't remember, or never played it, the very first level was dedicated to flying a Rebel T-47 Snowspeeder against Imperial Probe Droids, AT-ST's and AT-AT's. "That armour is too strong for blasters! We'll have to use harpoon and tow cables!" And it was just as exciting as that to play. Shadows was a great game in itself, but that first level left you craving more of the same. With Rogue Squadron, the developers at Factor 5 delivered it...

As you might well expect, like all other "special" occasions, I find Valentine's Day to be a giant, heaping load of rubbish (and incidentally, also a colossal waste of time and money). Fortunately, I am now with someone who thinks the same thing*. Last year we were out and about on February 14th looking for someplace to eat. Each establishment we visited was packed to the bursting point with customers. It was only after a half-hour of searching for a restaurant that wasn't packed like a Hindu religious festival that it dawned on us that it was Valentine's Day. We had dinner at Harvey's... which apparently is not a top dining choice for the first Hallmark Holiday of the year. Nothing says "I love you" better than a big carton of greasy onion rings. I'm serious. That's probably why Valentine's Day hasn't been overly popular with my previous girlfriends (at least while dating me). Based on my personal experience, here is a list of ...

Richard III 's body has recently been confirmed to be one of the few British monarchs to be buried in a parking lot. Tell's you how much they thought of him. Okay, I'm being slightly felicitous... it wasn't always a parking lot. It also use to be a horse stable.* The plans are to re-inter the unpopular monarch in Leicester Cathedral.  Now see, I think they should dump him back in the parking lot... and I'll tell you why... I think they're totally missing out on a huge and untapped market: "Park your car on your favourite celebrity and/or person of historical significance". Charge a premium for it.  You can say to your friends: "I parked myself in Marilyn Munroe's space." or how about: "I spent the night passed out in my car on top of Grace Kelly". Am I on to something here?  *Ok - I made that up... but it's a good punchline. 

My youngest nephew* recently doubted my knowledge of Star Wars . Foolish child. Bort : See ma spaceship unca? Me : Yeah, I know... I bought it for you. And actually Bort, that's a T-47 Snowspeeder and it's only meant for atmospheric flight given that it's a repulsorlift vehicle. Bort : NO! It's a SPACESHIP. Me : No, it's a Snowspeeder. Bort : NO, IT'S A SPACESHIP!! Me : No, it's a Snowspeeder. They shoot AT-AT's. Remember? Bort : NO, IT'S A SPACESHIP!!! Me : (Shouting to my slightly older nephew who was in the other room) Hey! Saruman! Who do you know who knows the most about Star Wars? Saruman : You! Me : Ok, Bort, I think it's a given that I know more about Star Wars than anyone in this house right now and probably within a radius of 10 kilometres. That said, when I say something is a Snowspeeder, it's probably a Snowspeeder, right? Bort : (Sheepishly) Yeah... Me : Yeah! *For the purposes of anonymity, my nephews...

Released: March 1, 1998 Publisher: Blizzard Entertainment Platform: PC and Mac Type: RTS Graphics: Narly Game Play: Narly Originality: Meh How many hours I’ve wasted: Meh The Nostalgia Factor: Meh The original Starcraft with the Starcraft: Brood War expansion pack was one of the few games I owned for my brand new (at the time) Apple iMac 333. As RTS games go, Starcraft was a mature RTS product and a great game. The game featured three playable factions (Human, Zerg and Protoss) each hosting a suite of fully unique units. Each factions forces and support buildings differed vastly in their capabilities requiring the player to shift tactics and strategies to achieve victory depending on who you chose to play as. A Human base in flames Story mode was available across all three factions making it for a versatile adventure from three very different perspectives... and due to the well developed nature and execution of the plot, it was, and remain...

Just when I think we've found all the ancient computer related rubbish at my company, we dig up another relic. Today we discovered stashed in the back of a little used storage area, a vintage Toshiba T-1000: The T-1000 was an early "laptop" released in 1987, and surprisingly it's lighter than my Dell Studio (although no where near as stylish or capable!) For those of you who like a good laugh, here are the tech specs: Processor: 4.77 MHz80C88 RAM: A whopping 512KB ROM: 256KB (with MS DOS 2.11) Media: 3.5" Floppy Drive Video: CGA LCD For the time, I suppose it was quite impressive to have a "laptop" that didn't crush your legs, even if it didn't meet the minimum requirements to play Space Quest 1 .