The ability to make machines that can sustain flight at great speed and altitude over long periods is a wondrous achievement on the part of human ingenuity.
It's only been just over a century since two bicycle shop owners started mankind down the path of heavier than air flight.
Unfortunately, the means of conveyance for passengers hasn't improved much since then and doesn't quite come close to being wondrous*.
Being hurtled through the air at hundreds of miles an hour, crammed into a small, cramped metal tube with poor food and inconsiderate morons is my least favourite part of going on holiday.
It's made worse when your sleep is constantly interrupted by the pilot to inform you that there is still ongoing turbulence (no kidding), an announcement that takes ten minutes to say because it has to be repeated in French (the joy's of riding a Canadian air carrier), even when there are clearly no French speaking passengers on board. It continues to baffle me why Canadian laws, company's and other institutions continue to accommodate the Quebecois when they have yet to ratify the constitution, and they've made every attempt to crush English within their own borders.
Who won the bloody war anyway?
Another irritation while flying recently: When your only job is to instruct passengers on moving their chairs into the upright position, returning the trays into a stowed position, and handing out food and duty free items, you should probably know how to do your job pretty damned well. Disappointingly, idiots can get (and keep) jobs in any industry as the following conversation I had with one of the crew demonstrates:
Steward: "Sir, can you return your chair to the upright position?"
Me: "It is." (I pushed the button and tried to move the chair to demonstrate)
Steward: " Sir, can you return your chair to the upright position?"
Me: "It's gone as far as it can... look, it's in line with everyone else."
Steward: "Sir, can you return your chair to the upright position?"
Me: "If I go any further up I'll be doubled over. It physically impossible to move any further. What part of what I'm saying to you don't you understand?"
It's a well know generalization that the French make poor waiters. They also make poor stewards.
Of course, (and I always try to keep this in mind) if this is the worst that happens to you on a flight, then you've had a pretty good flight.
I've often wondered why they even bother showing the emergency procedures in flight video. Your chances of surviving a serious aircraft accident are pretty much nil, particularly when even in minor, survivable emergencies, people tend to panic at the first sign of an unexpected situation, ruining the odds for the few smart people.
They'd be better off handing out cyanide capsules.
*I should say there have been a couple of notable improvements in flight since it's inception:
1) Enclosed cabins mean you no longer have to wipe oil off your face, and pick bugs out of your teeth.
2) They generally don't look for volunteers anymore to run out onto to the wings to chip ice off.
It's only been just over a century since two bicycle shop owners started mankind down the path of heavier than air flight.
Unfortunately, the means of conveyance for passengers hasn't improved much since then and doesn't quite come close to being wondrous*.
Being hurtled through the air at hundreds of miles an hour, crammed into a small, cramped metal tube with poor food and inconsiderate morons is my least favourite part of going on holiday.
It's made worse when your sleep is constantly interrupted by the pilot to inform you that there is still ongoing turbulence (no kidding), an announcement that takes ten minutes to say because it has to be repeated in French (the joy's of riding a Canadian air carrier), even when there are clearly no French speaking passengers on board. It continues to baffle me why Canadian laws, company's and other institutions continue to accommodate the Quebecois when they have yet to ratify the constitution, and they've made every attempt to crush English within their own borders.
Who won the bloody war anyway?
Another irritation while flying recently: When your only job is to instruct passengers on moving their chairs into the upright position, returning the trays into a stowed position, and handing out food and duty free items, you should probably know how to do your job pretty damned well. Disappointingly, idiots can get (and keep) jobs in any industry as the following conversation I had with one of the crew demonstrates:
Steward: "Sir, can you return your chair to the upright position?"
Me: "It is." (I pushed the button and tried to move the chair to demonstrate)
Steward: " Sir, can you return your chair to the upright position?"
Me: "It's gone as far as it can... look, it's in line with everyone else."
Steward: "Sir, can you return your chair to the upright position?"
Me: "If I go any further up I'll be doubled over. It physically impossible to move any further. What part of what I'm saying to you don't you understand?"
It's a well know generalization that the French make poor waiters. They also make poor stewards.
Of course, (and I always try to keep this in mind) if this is the worst that happens to you on a flight, then you've had a pretty good flight.
They'd be better off handing out cyanide capsules.
*I should say there have been a couple of notable improvements in flight since it's inception:
1) Enclosed cabins mean you no longer have to wipe oil off your face, and pick bugs out of your teeth.
2) They generally don't look for volunteers anymore to run out onto to the wings to chip ice off.
Ah yes, the 'joys' of that carrier, hence my desire to use the other ones as much as possible.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure its a metal tube? They are increasingly composite materials to make it that much more interesting. Essentially fibre GLASS!
Actually those lessons have saved people, such as the opps landing over shoot at Toronto in 2005, and the geese shot down splashdown in the Hudson in 2009, where everyone got out before their plane burned or sank.
If I saw that view, I'd be on the way to the cockpit really fast, to see how this baby handles compared to the simulators ;)
Well, based on my last go at a flight simulator, Airbus A330 type jet aircraft don't survive barrel roles or loops.
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