Sunburns in Portsmouth

Spinnaker tower on the Gunwharf Quays

Not too many people can claim to have gotten a pretty bad sunburn in Portsmouth, England in April.

I'm one of them.

Aside from that, and once again, the hordes of rude, obnoxious and downright ugly French tourists, our time in Portsmouth was absolutely amazing.

Portsmouth is a lovely, picturesque sea-side port town and has been Britain's main naval base since 1527... so there's a wee bit of history there.

Of course, if you're not interested in ships, they have some lovely shops and restaurants too.

I, of course visited for the history:

HMS Victory

HMS Victory, sans topmasts. She's much more impressive
totally kitted out. 

The Victory was the flagship of Admiral Horatio Nelson in which he commanded the spectacular victory over the French and Spanish at the Battle of Trafalgar, ending Napoleon's dreams of invading England. Trafalgar was a very unfair fight for our adversaries... the French and Spanish out-gunned and out-manned the British fleet by only a significant margin. Nelson even let them shoot at his fleet for two hours before allowing his guns to answer.*

Nelson was shot rather despicably by a sniper during the
battle. He died later below decks.

I was a bit befuddled by the amount of French tourists on board. I would have figured they would have wanted to avoided anything to do with one of the biggest arse kickings they ever received.

Some interesting facts:

• Victory is the world's oldest commissioned warship, and the world's only surviving example of a first rate, ship-of-the-line battleship. Even if you're not into naval history, you can't help but be impressed with the sheer size of the vessel.
• As Victory is in dry dock, the ship cannot support the weight of all 104 guns on board... so only two of  her guns are authentic... the rest are fiberglass replicas. 
• Victory is berthed in dry dock number 2, the world's oldest dry dock still in use. 
• Victory is entering another period of heavy maintenance and repair (of course after 248 years, she's always undergoing some work). 
• Nelson was killed during the battle and was preserved in a large cask of brandy for his last voyage home. Legend has it that the sailors drank the brandy (after Lord Nelson was removed) and were heard to remark that the brandy "had much body". 

Mind your head while on board... I left a large chunk of my head embedded in a beam on my first pilgrimage in 1990.

HMS Warrior

Warrior spent much of her career as a floating oil jetty, mostly because no one wanted her for scrap iron.

HMS Warrior

Originally though, she was Britain's first armoured, iron-hulled, steam powered warship and the pride of the fleet... a "nuclear deterrent" of her day. On her launch, she made every other warship in the world obsolete. Rapid technological advances through the 1860s and 1870s quickly outpaced the innovative Warrior, and she was relegated to the sad duty above until rescued and restored in the 1970s.

Today, she's an impressive sight, and well worth visiting.

Mary Rose

The Mary Rose was the flagship of Henry the VIII's navy... until she was blown on her side by a large gust of wind and sank.

The blame for the disaster was laid upon the fact that she was over-weighted at the time she sailed... attributed initially to the rotund King being on board for an inspection until someone discovered him in a local pub munching down a whole lamb and eight peasants.**

Henry's loss however was our gain, as the muddy bottom of the channel preserved the Mary Rose as an excellent time capsule of Tudor life in the 1500s.

Unfortunately, the ship and exhibit were closed at the time of our visit due to ongoing preservation. Having visited it in 1990, I can tell you it's well worth seeing if you get the opportunity.

The Harbour Tour

If you like ships, then you'll love the harbour tour. If you don't, you can always get pissed at the conveniently located bar in the tour boat (or just not go on it at all).

The tour will take you around Portsmouth Harbour, roughly inside 40 minutes (so plenty of time to knock back a few drinks).

HMS Ark Royal

While on the harbour tour, we had the distinction of seeing HMS Ark Royal, an Invincible class aircraft carrier. Ark Royal was until recently the flagship of the Royal Navy. She has been decommissioned and on May 20th, much to the disappointment of Portsmouth, she was towed out to the knackers for scrapping.

The Gunwharf Quays 

Until 1995, the Gunwharf Quays was once the site of important Royal Navy facilities. Today it's the site of a large open air shopping centre with many brand name stores, restaurants and annoying French tourists.

I searched in vain here for a hat to protect my sunburned head. Think I could find a hat without advertising plastered all over it?

Spice Island

(Or Portsmouth Point as it is also called) is named for it's involvement with the Spice trade during the colonial period. Spice Island is one of the oldest parts of Portsmouth and contains the majority of the remaining early defenses of the city. During the 18th century, it was popular with sailors for the large amount of pubs and brothels that were there.

As far as I could tell, the brothels are now long since gone, but the great pubs remain and it's a lovely walk. I highly recommend The Still and West for a great view of the harbour, and a really lovely fish supper with mushy peas (8.9 on Xorton's Fish Supper Scale***).

The George (Bed and Breakfast)

If you're travelling to Portsmouth, I highly recommend the George Bed and Breakfast. It's a lovely old building within walking distance of the historic docks (containing the above mentioned attractions), the bus and rail stations. The service and food is excellent: they serve an fantastic fish supper (8.9 XFS Scale) and a very full and tasty English breakfast (I don't have a scale for breakfasts, but if I did, it would be a 9.5).

On-wards to: Stonehenge and Bath

*A mild re-interpretation of historical events for the sake of humour. 
**I'm being facetious of course... Henry the VIII didn't eat lamb. 
*** The XFS Scale (patent pending) is a rating system I devised to rate fish suppers (10 is the best possible score). Some people are connoisseurs of wines... I'm a connoisseur of fish suppers. Anything over 8 is a huge compliment.