Over the years, as I'm sure many IT people have found too, I've encountered a good number of IT people whose services would be better suited in an environment as far away from anything remotely technical as possible, say as an additional ingredient to a pile of compost.
These individuals all seem to have the same terrible habits, and as we know, they create undue stress, extra work (usually fixing their mistakes), and generally lower the morale in any IT department to the point of complete collapse. By a point of comparison, most of the good IT people I've worked with would all rather work alone, or have a pencil driven into their skulls rather than spend another minute with these incompetent folk.
For your amusement (and you don't have to be in IT to get a kick out of some of this), here are their habits:
1. Memory Issues, and not RAM related
This problem tops my list as probably the worst of the habits. I've worked with far too many people in IT that for all intents and purposes, appear to have early onset dementia. They are unable to retain any information (and in IT there is a LOT of incredibly technical information) that needs to be remembered. I don't always have the ability to remember everything (let's face it, in a technical environment, that's almost impossible), so I WRITE IT DOWN, usually in a detailed note or if necessary, a procedure. This is not only for my benefit, but for all those who I work with, or for those who will likely come after me.
One of the worst offenders of this habit that I had the misfortune of working with, couldn't remember much of anything. He also refused to write anything down, ever. On one occasion, we had been on the first floor of the building working on an issue and when finished went back up to the second level where the IT department was located (strangely the only place I've ever worked where the IT department was not located in a basement!) At the top of the stairs, we were intercepted by a user that had a quick question (a particularly enlightened user, they only had a quick question for something they were easily able to resolve on their own... quite a rarity!) Once the user had left, I gestured in politeness that the other technician should go first and lead us back to the IT department. He turned to me and asked: "Don't we have to go back up the stairs first?" Being that this was only a two level building I indicated that this was quite impossible, and was forced to show him how to get back to our department. He had been working for us for two months at this point.
Another time, he had brought in some lunch and asked me where he could heat it up. I told him there was a microwave in the department next door to us on the right. He became completely disoriented and disappeared for two hours. I think he may have drove home to use his own microwave. Naturally anything technical was well beyond him and he was released from his duties a short time later.
2. Having the personality of three day old guacamole
I'm not always Mr. Fun & Excitement, but I try to bring a little levity to my department and the users I interact with on a daily basis. Dealing with stressful technical situations with such a regular occurrence demands that IT people have, or quickly develop a sense of humour to help lighten the mood, and make the situation a little more bearable for all those involved. Nothing is worse for a user than a technician who holds up his hand to silence them while he fixes their computer. Granted, users can created some very stressful problems that could have been completely avoided with a little common sense, but it's still no cause to treat them like used chewing gum... at least in their presence. Just think of the wonderfully funny stories you can share among your IT brethren upon your return to IT. In the meantime, try to be sociable and if you have trouble with small talk (as I often do), take note of posters, pictures, cartoons and the assorted detritus that has accumulated on their desk and try to use some of these as a subject for conversation.
Over the years I've developed some great professional relationships with people by talking with them about their children, cats or hobbies and pretending (or in some cases actually caring) what they are blathering on about. I'm afraid I'm still at a bit of a loss when it comes to guys with offices decked out in sports paraphernalia.
Relatively recently my girlfriend and I were out on a drive and we were stopped behind a car with a decorative sports related decal. I asked: "Who are the 'Stoolers'?" She responded, "That's 'Steelers', dear." I still have no idea what sport they play, but from what I've been made to understand, it's an apt description of their performance. I avoid sports conversations as a rule to avoid potential ridicule.
Anyway, one chap I encountered years ago, (before I was an IT professional) was the poster boy for this habit. He was clearly a geek, and since he was going to be at my desk for a couple of hours, I figured we could make the time go a little more pleasantly by chatting about some geek related stuff. I tried everything; Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Babylon 5 and eventually after about ten minutes of dismissive one word responses, I even tried (shudder) Star Trek: Deep Space 9. Nothing, zero, zilch. Since then, I've encountered a fair number of these walking automatons, but nothing quite bereft all human nature such as this guy. I think he must be sitting somewhere now, seething about having to interact with "normals", still waiting to be assimilated.
3. Where's the air freshner?
You wouldn't think this would be a problem in a first world country in the 21st century, but some IT people apparently still have trouble finding the shower.
No one wants to work with someone who smells like they've just rolled out of the Sarlacc pit, and users certainly don't want you contaminating the comfy, ergonomic office chair it took over a year to requisition.
Seriously, how hard is it to stand under the shower for five minutes and lather up?
One guy I attended school with smelled so bad, that a friend who sat next to me started bringing in various items to "freshen" up our environment ('Smelly McGee' as we referred to him sat directly behind us both). At first he tried spraying a little cologne in the air and we even pulled up our shirts over our faces. Eventually we discovered the most effective method was a can of air freshner sprayed directly on the offending body. Strangely he wasn't terribly offended. The guy looked the part too. One day one of my friends escorted him off campus because he thought he was a homeless person... which brings me to my next point...
4. Shirts and shorts from 20 years ago are not appropriate work attire
Granted, it's a fairly commonly found stereotype among IT people, but cut off shorts, tattered old stained t-shirts of bands that disbanded 30 years ago and old flip flops are not appropriate work attire, anywhere. While I understand that such attire can be quite comfortable, no one wants to see your left testicle handing from a hole in your old shorts.
Work place attire codes vary greatly, but I've only worked in one place where this was permitted. No one particularly appreciated the clothing this guy wore, or the smells (from poor hygiene that always seem to accompany the poorly clad) that emanated from this guys office. I had to give him points for determination... he even wore this getup in the winter months (which in Canada of course is quite amazing). I once had a dream that he died in his office, and no one noticed... for six months.
5. Where's all the @%&! USB sticks???
There's no code that says that the IT department should look like Dresden the day after the RAF bombed the shit out of it*.
Every IT department I've ever come into has always looked as though a bomb had hit it: stacks of crap everywhere, broken equipment scattered hither and thither, heaps of perfectly usable parts scattered around the work spaces and piles of obsolete systems and software collecting dust and impeding progress and efficiency. Sometimes it's not even that organized. I've spent years at most of my jobs looking for a critical piece of software or component, only to eventually find it being used as a drink coaster, footrest or worse, stuffed under a server rack.
I've spent a considerable amount of time, consideration and energy bringing order to chaos whenever I've joined a new firm. For some people, it may be natural to live like a pack of demented wolves, but that's not an option for me, and I've generally found that once I've brought in the new order, most people appreciate that it no longer takes them three days to find the damned network cable tester.
If your department or desk looks like this, you're not doing anyone any favours, nor are you contributing to making your environment a healthy happy one by continuing to neglect your space.
6. Why does the department have all the warmth of Auschwitz?
On the subject of making your IT department organized and happy, you should also make the effort to make it inviting... and not just for yourself. Most departments I've joined look about as inviting to visit and inhabit as a block of Soviet era flats. Naturally, no one is happy to be there... except maybe people that grew up in a communist regime.
"Ah, ees just like old country!"
Unlike most IT people, I actually enjoy the company of others (well, most of the time.) In addition to keeping your work space tidy, decorate it with little things that say something about your personality, a calendar, a couple of models, some pictures (keep it clean people!) of say, your pets or children (topless models will have the opposite of the desired affect). This says to potential visitors: "I'm not just some robot you can call when you've infected your computer for the umpteenth time, I'm also an individual with feelings and interests you can chat with. Grab a coffee, pull up a chair, sit for a while and chat."
Provided you don't work in a basement (which most of us do), you might even try bringing in a potted plant or two and trying to keep it alive. If it dies despite your best efforts, it still makes an interesting conversation piece. I use to have one fellow employee drop by frequently to chat and take care of the plants I'd brought in.
It will do wonders for how your IT department is perceived throughout your company.
7. All Work and No Play makes a dull boy (or girl)
Take a lunch break. Many people I've worked with over the years work through the day without a break, then head home and continue to work from there. No problem is so important it can't wait an hour. If the server melted into a pile of smoldering slag, one more hour where you are collecting your scorched wits will make absolutely no difference to how the day ends.
Too many successful IT folk work themselves into a nervous fit and eventually burn out, generally resulting in either an empty desk due to health or stress related issues, or worse, a desk occupied by a person who rapidly develops the other eight of these bad habits, No one wants to work with that guy!
Do yourself a break and actually take a break!
8. For Spock's sake, document it!
All IT departments I have worked in have suffered from a general lack of organization. I shouldn't have to spend 10 months trying to crack into a management application on the server because the previous systems administrator neglected to note down what the damned password was.
Additionally, I've found many technicians who can't be bothered remembering things (as in point one), also can't be bothered noting things down for their own benefit. I hate hearing: "I forgot" or "Can you remind me how to..." for the hundredth time for something that should be rudimentary or easily obtained (Google it!) See, I've even made a handy link there. If you are one of these people and you're reading this, you might want to copy it to your favourites or bookmarks.
All relevant IT procedures and information should be documented in an organized fashion so that staff are saved time and frustration. Incidentally, it also cuts down on the number of hapless IT staff and managers I have to hang and quarter in the parking lot.
Remember, nothing says pay attention like a severed head on a stick.
9. Stop being a lazy SOB and contribute something to the environment other than excess heat
A lot of people think that by taking up a career in IT, that they are receiving a golden ticket to sit around on their asses, watching you-tube videos, eating chips, and generally just taking up space.
Now, that could eventually end up being your job, but it means you have to have put in a hell of a lot work and effort to get to that point first. I often make the point that IT staff are kind of like firemen (the main differences being that we're generally not as good looking, fit or can carry unconscious people out of a burning building - we're also not particularly keen on entering a burning building in the first place). Anyway, I digress. The point is, if you've got your department and organization up and running efficiently like a well oiled machine, you can take the time to kick back a little and enjoy the fruits of your labour by watching humerous you-tube videos all day, and only infrequently will you need to get up off your bloated rump to put out the occasional "fire".
In reality, this is rarely the case. Most departments have been up and running for years, limping along with duct tape, twine and bailing wire (not always figuratively either!) and when you join on, your thrown into the chaos, just barely able to keep things running, and rarely able to put in the effort to clean up the mess that your predecessors have left you.
And even when you have managed to turn chaos into order, there's always some manager with some visionary project that is perfectly ill-suited for the company, (and usually nigh on impossible with the budget and time allotted, not to mention technology that hasn't been invented yet) that will take months of hard work to accomplish.
If you think that IT is suppose to be some sort of working holiday, then you need to go and quietly drown yourself in a puddle somewhere, because no job is a free ride.
Finally...
There are of course a good number of other awful habits, but these are likely the worst offenders and unfortunately these are not contained to just people staffing IT departments. If you do have to work with people that display these unfortunate habits...
10. Grow a pair
Ovaries or testicles, whichever suits. By this I mean, be assertive. Don't be content to sit back and slowly turn into a dejected ball of depressed stress and anxiety that has lost all faith and hope in mankind, teetering on the brink of sticking your head into a rotating propeller.
Many IT people allow themselves to be bullied or ridiculed (often quite openly) by the cliques that form in many organizations, or by coworkers that use such techniques to get away with not working**.
This is no longer high school.
If you find yourself in a situation that compromises your well being, there are many ways to be assertive and stop an organization of spoiled twits turn you into an ineffective, depressed shell of a human being.
There is of course, the professional route, the high road as it were. Take your issues to the HR department and keep complaining until your situation is adequately dealt with. Politely refuse to be treated badly by asserting yourself at the time and making it clear you can't be treated like garbage. Don't be afraid to use a little volume.
The other course (less professional, but more humerous), take advantage of all the obsolete clutter in the IT department and "upgrade" all your offenders to "brand new" Pentium II machines with a fresh copy of Windows 95 (no internet connection of course). You'd be surprised how compliant people become when they can't access Facebook.
*World War II reference.
**See my blog entry on How Not to Work (and Get Paid for It).
These individuals all seem to have the same terrible habits, and as we know, they create undue stress, extra work (usually fixing their mistakes), and generally lower the morale in any IT department to the point of complete collapse. By a point of comparison, most of the good IT people I've worked with would all rather work alone, or have a pencil driven into their skulls rather than spend another minute with these incompetent folk.
For your amusement (and you don't have to be in IT to get a kick out of some of this), here are their habits:
1. Memory Issues, and not RAM related
This problem tops my list as probably the worst of the habits. I've worked with far too many people in IT that for all intents and purposes, appear to have early onset dementia. They are unable to retain any information (and in IT there is a LOT of incredibly technical information) that needs to be remembered. I don't always have the ability to remember everything (let's face it, in a technical environment, that's almost impossible), so I WRITE IT DOWN, usually in a detailed note or if necessary, a procedure. This is not only for my benefit, but for all those who I work with, or for those who will likely come after me.
One of the worst offenders of this habit that I had the misfortune of working with, couldn't remember much of anything. He also refused to write anything down, ever. On one occasion, we had been on the first floor of the building working on an issue and when finished went back up to the second level where the IT department was located (strangely the only place I've ever worked where the IT department was not located in a basement!) At the top of the stairs, we were intercepted by a user that had a quick question (a particularly enlightened user, they only had a quick question for something they were easily able to resolve on their own... quite a rarity!) Once the user had left, I gestured in politeness that the other technician should go first and lead us back to the IT department. He turned to me and asked: "Don't we have to go back up the stairs first?" Being that this was only a two level building I indicated that this was quite impossible, and was forced to show him how to get back to our department. He had been working for us for two months at this point.
Another time, he had brought in some lunch and asked me where he could heat it up. I told him there was a microwave in the department next door to us on the right. He became completely disoriented and disappeared for two hours. I think he may have drove home to use his own microwave. Naturally anything technical was well beyond him and he was released from his duties a short time later.
2. Having the personality of three day old guacamole
I'm not always Mr. Fun & Excitement, but I try to bring a little levity to my department and the users I interact with on a daily basis. Dealing with stressful technical situations with such a regular occurrence demands that IT people have, or quickly develop a sense of humour to help lighten the mood, and make the situation a little more bearable for all those involved. Nothing is worse for a user than a technician who holds up his hand to silence them while he fixes their computer. Granted, users can created some very stressful problems that could have been completely avoided with a little common sense, but it's still no cause to treat them like used chewing gum... at least in their presence. Just think of the wonderfully funny stories you can share among your IT brethren upon your return to IT. In the meantime, try to be sociable and if you have trouble with small talk (as I often do), take note of posters, pictures, cartoons and the assorted detritus that has accumulated on their desk and try to use some of these as a subject for conversation.
Over the years I've developed some great professional relationships with people by talking with them about their children, cats or hobbies and pretending (or in some cases actually caring) what they are blathering on about. I'm afraid I'm still at a bit of a loss when it comes to guys with offices decked out in sports paraphernalia.
Relatively recently my girlfriend and I were out on a drive and we were stopped behind a car with a decorative sports related decal. I asked: "Who are the 'Stoolers'?" She responded, "That's 'Steelers', dear." I still have no idea what sport they play, but from what I've been made to understand, it's an apt description of their performance. I avoid sports conversations as a rule to avoid potential ridicule.
Anyway, one chap I encountered years ago, (before I was an IT professional) was the poster boy for this habit. He was clearly a geek, and since he was going to be at my desk for a couple of hours, I figured we could make the time go a little more pleasantly by chatting about some geek related stuff. I tried everything; Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Babylon 5 and eventually after about ten minutes of dismissive one word responses, I even tried (shudder) Star Trek: Deep Space 9. Nothing, zero, zilch. Since then, I've encountered a fair number of these walking automatons, but nothing quite bereft all human nature such as this guy. I think he must be sitting somewhere now, seething about having to interact with "normals", still waiting to be assimilated.
3. Where's the air freshner?
You wouldn't think this would be a problem in a first world country in the 21st century, but some IT people apparently still have trouble finding the shower.
No one wants to work with someone who smells like they've just rolled out of the Sarlacc pit, and users certainly don't want you contaminating the comfy, ergonomic office chair it took over a year to requisition.
Seriously, how hard is it to stand under the shower for five minutes and lather up?
One guy I attended school with smelled so bad, that a friend who sat next to me started bringing in various items to "freshen" up our environment ('Smelly McGee' as we referred to him sat directly behind us both). At first he tried spraying a little cologne in the air and we even pulled up our shirts over our faces. Eventually we discovered the most effective method was a can of air freshner sprayed directly on the offending body. Strangely he wasn't terribly offended. The guy looked the part too. One day one of my friends escorted him off campus because he thought he was a homeless person... which brings me to my next point...
4. Shirts and shorts from 20 years ago are not appropriate work attire
Granted, it's a fairly commonly found stereotype among IT people, but cut off shorts, tattered old stained t-shirts of bands that disbanded 30 years ago and old flip flops are not appropriate work attire, anywhere. While I understand that such attire can be quite comfortable, no one wants to see your left testicle handing from a hole in your old shorts.
Work place attire codes vary greatly, but I've only worked in one place where this was permitted. No one particularly appreciated the clothing this guy wore, or the smells (from poor hygiene that always seem to accompany the poorly clad) that emanated from this guys office. I had to give him points for determination... he even wore this getup in the winter months (which in Canada of course is quite amazing). I once had a dream that he died in his office, and no one noticed... for six months.
5. Where's all the @%&! USB sticks???
There's no code that says that the IT department should look like Dresden the day after the RAF bombed the shit out of it*.
Every IT department I've ever come into has always looked as though a bomb had hit it: stacks of crap everywhere, broken equipment scattered hither and thither, heaps of perfectly usable parts scattered around the work spaces and piles of obsolete systems and software collecting dust and impeding progress and efficiency. Sometimes it's not even that organized. I've spent years at most of my jobs looking for a critical piece of software or component, only to eventually find it being used as a drink coaster, footrest or worse, stuffed under a server rack.
I've spent a considerable amount of time, consideration and energy bringing order to chaos whenever I've joined a new firm. For some people, it may be natural to live like a pack of demented wolves, but that's not an option for me, and I've generally found that once I've brought in the new order, most people appreciate that it no longer takes them three days to find the damned network cable tester.
If your department or desk looks like this, you're not doing anyone any favours, nor are you contributing to making your environment a healthy happy one by continuing to neglect your space.
6. Why does the department have all the warmth of Auschwitz?
On the subject of making your IT department organized and happy, you should also make the effort to make it inviting... and not just for yourself. Most departments I've joined look about as inviting to visit and inhabit as a block of Soviet era flats. Naturally, no one is happy to be there... except maybe people that grew up in a communist regime.
"Ah, ees just like old country!"
Unlike most IT people, I actually enjoy the company of others (well, most of the time.) In addition to keeping your work space tidy, decorate it with little things that say something about your personality, a calendar, a couple of models, some pictures (keep it clean people!) of say, your pets or children (topless models will have the opposite of the desired affect). This says to potential visitors: "I'm not just some robot you can call when you've infected your computer for the umpteenth time, I'm also an individual with feelings and interests you can chat with. Grab a coffee, pull up a chair, sit for a while and chat."
Provided you don't work in a basement (which most of us do), you might even try bringing in a potted plant or two and trying to keep it alive. If it dies despite your best efforts, it still makes an interesting conversation piece. I use to have one fellow employee drop by frequently to chat and take care of the plants I'd brought in.
It will do wonders for how your IT department is perceived throughout your company.
7. All Work and No Play makes a dull boy (or girl)
Take a lunch break. Many people I've worked with over the years work through the day without a break, then head home and continue to work from there. No problem is so important it can't wait an hour. If the server melted into a pile of smoldering slag, one more hour where you are collecting your scorched wits will make absolutely no difference to how the day ends.
Too many successful IT folk work themselves into a nervous fit and eventually burn out, generally resulting in either an empty desk due to health or stress related issues, or worse, a desk occupied by a person who rapidly develops the other eight of these bad habits, No one wants to work with that guy!
Do yourself a break and actually take a break!
8. For Spock's sake, document it!
All IT departments I have worked in have suffered from a general lack of organization. I shouldn't have to spend 10 months trying to crack into a management application on the server because the previous systems administrator neglected to note down what the damned password was.
Additionally, I've found many technicians who can't be bothered remembering things (as in point one), also can't be bothered noting things down for their own benefit. I hate hearing: "I forgot" or "Can you remind me how to..." for the hundredth time for something that should be rudimentary or easily obtained (Google it!) See, I've even made a handy link there. If you are one of these people and you're reading this, you might want to copy it to your favourites or bookmarks.
All relevant IT procedures and information should be documented in an organized fashion so that staff are saved time and frustration. Incidentally, it also cuts down on the number of hapless IT staff and managers I have to hang and quarter in the parking lot.
Remember, nothing says pay attention like a severed head on a stick.
9. Stop being a lazy SOB and contribute something to the environment other than excess heat
A lot of people think that by taking up a career in IT, that they are receiving a golden ticket to sit around on their asses, watching you-tube videos, eating chips, and generally just taking up space.
Now, that could eventually end up being your job, but it means you have to have put in a hell of a lot work and effort to get to that point first. I often make the point that IT staff are kind of like firemen (the main differences being that we're generally not as good looking, fit or can carry unconscious people out of a burning building - we're also not particularly keen on entering a burning building in the first place). Anyway, I digress. The point is, if you've got your department and organization up and running efficiently like a well oiled machine, you can take the time to kick back a little and enjoy the fruits of your labour by watching humerous you-tube videos all day, and only infrequently will you need to get up off your bloated rump to put out the occasional "fire".
In reality, this is rarely the case. Most departments have been up and running for years, limping along with duct tape, twine and bailing wire (not always figuratively either!) and when you join on, your thrown into the chaos, just barely able to keep things running, and rarely able to put in the effort to clean up the mess that your predecessors have left you.
And even when you have managed to turn chaos into order, there's always some manager with some visionary project that is perfectly ill-suited for the company, (and usually nigh on impossible with the budget and time allotted, not to mention technology that hasn't been invented yet) that will take months of hard work to accomplish.
If you think that IT is suppose to be some sort of working holiday, then you need to go and quietly drown yourself in a puddle somewhere, because no job is a free ride.
Finally...
There are of course a good number of other awful habits, but these are likely the worst offenders and unfortunately these are not contained to just people staffing IT departments. If you do have to work with people that display these unfortunate habits...
10. Grow a pair
Ovaries or testicles, whichever suits. By this I mean, be assertive. Don't be content to sit back and slowly turn into a dejected ball of depressed stress and anxiety that has lost all faith and hope in mankind, teetering on the brink of sticking your head into a rotating propeller.
Many IT people allow themselves to be bullied or ridiculed (often quite openly) by the cliques that form in many organizations, or by coworkers that use such techniques to get away with not working**.
This is no longer high school.
If you find yourself in a situation that compromises your well being, there are many ways to be assertive and stop an organization of spoiled twits turn you into an ineffective, depressed shell of a human being.
There is of course, the professional route, the high road as it were. Take your issues to the HR department and keep complaining until your situation is adequately dealt with. Politely refuse to be treated badly by asserting yourself at the time and making it clear you can't be treated like garbage. Don't be afraid to use a little volume.
The other course (less professional, but more humerous), take advantage of all the obsolete clutter in the IT department and "upgrade" all your offenders to "brand new" Pentium II machines with a fresh copy of Windows 95 (no internet connection of course). You'd be surprised how compliant people become when they can't access Facebook.
*World War II reference.
**See my blog entry on How Not to Work (and Get Paid for It).
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