Xorton's Rant

New Years Eve is the contrived holiday I dislike the least.  Like Christmas, from a historical perspective, celebrating January 1st as the first day of the new year is a relatively recently invention. Until 1751, in England (and all British dominions), the first day of the new year was March 25th.  Regardless of the arbitrary nature of the tradition of New Years (I think the spring equinox makes more sense) it's still a good time (may as well since everyone else is doing it too) to take stock of the past year, forgive past transgressions and make resolutions for the coming year.  I rarely make comments on current events... but as per the intent of my cartoon (and as we've seen on numerous occasions over the last year) you never really know what's around the corner.  So, that said, the one thing I always try to do is this:  I try to enjoy myself most of the time and make sure that those around me are having a good laugh too... while still...

This is about the best I've been to manage. The rest look like some strange combination between an ewok and an ape.

Game : Omega Race Released : November 1981 Publisher : Midway Platform : Arcade, Atari 2600, Commodore VIC-20, 64 Type : Arcade Space Shooter Graphics : Meh Game Play : Narly Dude Originality : Meh How many hours I’ve wasted: Blank Eyed Soulless Stare The Nostalgia Factor : Meh “In the year 2003, the Omega System developed a method of training its warriors to protect their star colonies against Android forces over the city of Komar. Omega fighters raced to engage and destroy these aliens and the mines they planted. The Omega method is so successful, it command fear and respect from all throughout the galaxies. This method is code named OMEGA RACE.” From the Introduction on the game package. 2003 seemed so far away in 1981.  Omega Race was the second video game I ever played. The first was Space Invaders, also for the Commodore VIC-20 system (called Avenger on the Commodore)… but I originally played it on my uncle’s Texas Instruments TI-99/4 system (which is incide...

I like to make up my own words. It usually starts out with me mispronouncing something, then I make regular use of it to hide my own ignorance. I like to think I'm improving the English language by creating more versatile wordage. Here's some of my favourite creations and the definitions. I encourage everyone to start using them as frequently as possible: Modicrumb Noun Smaller than a modicum, particularly in regards to something stupid. "Borislav stuck a cheese sandwich in his CD drive again. That chap has less than modicrumb of intelligence and there are modicrumbs of bread stuck all over the motherboard."  Smowron Noun A type of person that becomes an utter and complete moron while driving as soon as there's a slight dusting of snow (or more) on the ground (regardless of how good the driving conditions actually are). Said individuals can be readily identified by their insistence on driving 30 kilometres an hour under the posted speed limit. They...

Yesterday I spoke about my hatred of office Christmas parties and potlucks. Many people cave into the peer pressure... but I'm here to give you some excellent excuses and techniques on how to avoid office Christmas functions while minimizing the potential repercussions: 1. Call in sick:  This is a long time favourite and one of the most used techniques. Its one drawback is that you'll only be able to use it a couple of times before suspicion is raised... and then you're in the dog house. The trick here is to take advantage of the human brains weaknesses (this will require a little research and finesse, but you'll find it's worth the effort). Most people have a very hard time recalling events to any degree of detail after they've occurred. Recent research has indicated that it's actually quite simple to plant convincing memories in most people. After the Christmas party and over the next few weeks, take note of events, food served and memorable mom...

Popcorn I hate popcorn. I love the smell of it, I just think as a delivery system for salt and butter, there are a lot of better potential options. It has no flavour, I dislike the hard and inedible left over kernel bits, and I dislike how it leaves a goozey* residue on your teeth. That said, I think the snack companies are missing out on a sizable niche market (the popcorn haters who want a pop corn like snack at the movies market) and need to come up with some sort of potato based "pop" product. It should be made in the traditional popcorn way, have a similar smell and be optimized to deliver a 50% increase in salt and butter content. I'd call them: "Popato Crunches". Am I on to something? * Goozey is a rather nice descriptive word (I think) I've just invented for the specific word I feel best describes the feeling of popcorn residue on your teeth. You're all welcome to use it, but remember, you saw it here first.  Office Christmas Part...

I find what most company's interpret as to what qualifies as a "Disaster Recovery Plan" to be quite humorous. Most "plans" I've seen over the years barely qualify as "Disaster Recovery Premises". Specifically, they're page upon page of useless suggestions that you might consider researching for an actual disaster recovery plan. The only use they could conceivably have is for burning if you'd lost access to heat and electricity for a prolonged period of time.  Of course, writing a potentially useful disaster recovery manual is a pretty heavy undertaking, so it's really no surprise that most company's seem to delegate this unenviable task to:  A consulting agency that for a surprisingly large sum will print you off (after a suitably long period of time) a generic disaster plan that they've printed off for everyone else they've ever done disaster planning for.  Someone who has no idea what a disaster recovery plan ...