Disaster Recovery

I find what most company's interpret as to what qualifies as a "Disaster Recovery Plan" to be quite humorous.

Most "plans" I've seen over the years barely qualify as "Disaster Recovery Premises".

Specifically, they're page upon page of useless suggestions that you might consider researching for an actual disaster recovery plan. The only use they could conceivably have is for burning if you'd lost access to heat and electricity for a prolonged period of time. 

Of course, writing a potentially useful disaster recovery manual is a pretty heavy undertaking, so it's really no surprise that most company's seem to delegate this unenviable task to:

1.  A consulting agency that for a surprisingly large sum will print you off (after a suitably long period of time) a generic disaster plan that they've printed off for everyone else they've ever done disaster planning for. 
2. Someone who has no idea what a disaster recovery plan is, or what the words "disaster", "recovery" or "plan" mean. They're usually in a "Quality" department or team keeping a desk looking occupied.  
3. A particularly despised employee who while is capable of creating a comprehensive and useful plan, realizes that this is a thankless task that they are unlikely to be recognized or rewarded for and will likely just assemble a random collection of articles and jokes copied from the internet.

 No one in their right mind actually volunteers to write these things. 

Most people I think that are stuck writing them understand that a legitimate and well written and practiced plan would only be useful in a minor disaster... like when someone spills coffee on the old mainframe, or if the CEO has a hangnail. Realistically in a potentially major company disaster, most people's disaster recovery plans boil down to the following:

1. Printing off several copies of the old resume. 
2. Raiding the office supply closet for as many supplies as they can carry under their coat. 
3. Sneaking out of the building before anyone else realizes there's a disaster. 

And of course in the case of a actual regional catastrophe, the survival of their place of work will be last in their list of priorities. Most people will do one of six things in this event:

1. Struggle to get home in time to die with their families (usually dying in the process).
2. Struggle to get home in a futile effort to save their hard earned consumerist driven purchases (again usually dying in the process). 
3. Huddled in a corner, rocking back and forth praying to their deity to come and lead them to salvation until overtaken by the disaster. 
4. Panic while usually impeding other peoples chances of survival until overtaken and consumed by the disaster. 
5. Go on a spree of mayhem until the disaster kills them, or the proper authorities do the same. 
6. Already be well on their way to their shack in the woods where they have stashed 20 years worth of food, other necessities and enough weapons and ammunition to invade a small, stupid country. 

Your best chance of course is to be number six, or to know and be in the good graces of a number six. Of course, number six may convert you to rations if he feels they're getting low, or stack you up as an alternative to a sandbag for defensive purposes.