Xorton's Rant

"They" say that nobody travels to Scotland for the weather. "They" have never met me. I travel to Scotland almost exclusively for the weather. It's one of the few places I don't have to slather on several layers of spf 600 sunscreen and I'm in no danger of sunstroke or heatstroke. Such are the hardships for those with a complexion of pasty pale blue. Of course there are many other compelling reasons to visiting Scotland in addition to the weather, such as the best fish suppers in the world, and the best drink in the world: Irn-Bru *. It's the only country on the planet where Coca-Cola is not the best selling soft drink. Oh, and there's a bunch of scenic places, sites of historical interest and cultural stuff too: Coldingham and St. Abbs Coldingham Bay It's not the first destination people have in mind when they visit Scotland, but I have family there and I also love quaint wee sea-side villages. Additionally, it's quiet, h...

Detroit... now less like Robocop I'm just back from an IT conference in Detroit, and I have to say it's not anywhere near the kind of place I imagined it to be. Over the years I'd heard and read some pretty scary things about what Detroit was like and imagined it to be a cross between Sarajevo (circa 1993) and Robocop. I half expected to be mugged the moment I stepped off the plane. I'm happy to report that it's clean, surprisingly quiet and in pretty good shape (at least the places I saw) for a city that's been ravaged by a badly run economy. There were surprisingly fewer burned out abandoned buildings and a lot less graffiti than I expected. The airport which is actually located near a little place called Romulus, was only disappointing in that there were no actual Romulans marching about. The airport is clean, beautifully and efficiently designed, and the customs and security people are helpful and very friendly. I was quickly on the interstate, n...

Hotels and Bibles Why is it that the vast majority of hotels have Bibles in each room? On a recent visit to the United States, not only was there a Bible in my room, but also The Book of Mormon. Essentially the hotel industry is saying: "We'd like to share and spread ignorance, fear and superstition among the masses." I believe hotels really should keep to only one message, and that is in regards to the quality of their accommodations and facilities. I would question whether commercial industries are qualified enough in making comment on spirituality and how to live life. It would be like your doctor explaining the health benefits of smoking. If they must insist on sharing something philosophical, I think as an alternative they should also stock a copy of Carl Sagan's : " Demon Haunted World " as an alternative. Demon Haunted World is an excellent book that questions much of what we as humans believe and why we believe it. It is a great guide on...

Carlisle Carlisle is a lovely city and a great base of operations for seeing the many sites on the west coast of England, including the stunning Lake District. We stayed overnight in a great little Bed and Breakfast (The Wallfoot Hotel) just outside the city and had the best steak and chips I've ever had, including onion rings that I would quite obligingly kill for.The full English breakfast was also incredible. Our route through the North to Scotland took us to several sites of interest: Carlisle Castle Carlisle Castle Temporary fortifications were established on this site originally on the orders of William II after taking possession of the area for England (and taking it away from the Scots). The castle has changed hands between Scotland and England many times over the past 700 years (and not in a particularly friendly manner!). More permanent structures were built over the ensuing centuries by various monarchs of both nations looking to beef up the castle defenses...

Stonehenge Stonehenge is fascinating, impressive, majestic, and awe inspiring... for exactly twenty minutes. Ten if it's raining. After that, it's just a bunch of large upturned rocks stuck in the ground. And you can only walk around it so many times. Here are my suggestions for making Stonehenge more entertaining (it really does need some 21st century flourishes): Continuous fireworks displays. Construct a large amusement ride around the stones. Build a large shopping centre arround it. Project scenes from the latest Hollywood blockbusters on the larger stones.  Ceremonial sacrifices performed hourly by druids on, you guessed it, French tourists.  Have someone carve large pictures of good looking, naked female celebrities on the outward facing stones.  Launch convicted criminals from a nearby trebuchet into the stones. Five quid to pull the lever... fun for the whole family.  Three words: "Angry Birds: Stonehenge" Go-go dancers rocking out on top...

Spinnaker tower on the Gunwharf Quays Not too many people can claim to have gotten a pretty bad sunburn in Portsmouth , England in April. I'm one of them. Aside from that, and once again, the hordes of rude, obnoxious and downright ugly French tourists, our time in Portsmouth was absolutely amazing. Portsmouth is a lovely, picturesque sea-side port town and has been Britain's main naval base since 1527... so there's a wee bit of history there. Of course, if you're not interested in ships, they have some lovely shops and restaurants too. I, of course visited for the history: HMS Victory HMS Victory , sans topmasts. She's much more impressive totally kitted out.  The Victory was the flagship of Admiral Horatio Nelson in which he commanded the spectacular victory over the French and Spanish at the Battle of Trafalgar , ending Napoleon's dreams of invading England. Trafalgar was a very unfair fight for our adversaries... the French and Spanis...

I have four rules in regards to travelling: Don't travel anywhere that doesn't have a McDonald's restaurant.  Don't travel anywhere where you can't (at least at a cursory glance) blend into the local population.  Don't travel anywhere between the tropics of Cancer and Capricorn. Never bring an idiot with you when you travel; you can always pick one up when you arrive.* Now, this may seem a tad restrictive, but there are very good reasons why I follow these simple rules. To elaborate:  Having a case for only visiting locations with a McDonald's restaurant has two benefits: One, the country is economically and politically stable enough to support the franchise... in other words, it's probably not on the list of countries under a travel advisory. Two, McDonald's is fairly safe to eat (at least in the short term), and it's basically the same the world over.  So, if you're unable to eat the local cuisine because it doesn't agree wi...